cocobytes

The Killer Inside Me: Movie Review

2010-07-09T22:47:00.012+10:00

Michael Winterbottom’s "The Killer Inside Me," is a confronting look at a deranged psychopath in the guise of a public facing sheriff’s deputy.

After his outstanding role in "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" as well as "Gone Baby Gone," Casey Affleck reinforces his position as one of the best young actors in Hollywood with his role in "The Killer Inside Me" as sherrif deputy, Lou Ford

Affleck’s performance is chillingly absorbing, frightening and utterly believable as the unhinged killer.

That said, this movie is difficult to watch at times, and the violence is extremely graphic and unrelenting, presumably intended to get the point across – however that point is somewhat unclear.

Affleck's atrocious attack on Jessica Alba as prostitute, Joyce and Kate Hudson as Lou's girlfriend, Amy, are practically unwatchable.

The backdrop is a Texas town in the 50's and Lou has been requested by the richest man in town to break up the affair of his son and a lowlife prostitute, Joyce, (Alba) that is getting out of control. Lou has been asked to run Joyce out of town, however, instead, the pair become intensely involved.

Lou changes plans and inexplicably, decides to kill Joyce and frame the son into making it look as if they have killed each other.

But Joyce survives and Lou commits more appalling acts to try and cover his trail. As he plummets deeper into his own psychosis, his carelessness leads the police to his doorstep and his number is up.

There are several issues with "The Killer Inside Me."

The plot isn’t easy to grasp with its continued twists and turns. New characters continue to be brought into the film even right towards the end to clarify things but only serve to confuse the story further and both Jessica Alba and Kate Hudson aren’t strong enough to support Affleck; however that isn’t entirely their fault. They are clearly there to play the victims and not much more but unfortunately both lack any sort of screen presence to hold their own.

Affleck alone carries this film. His unflinching performance is an intense look inside the mind of a disturbed man and is in itself the strongest thing about "The Killer Inside Me" but without the support of story and cast it isn't enough to carry this difficult film.

James Cameron going great guns ... with a nail gun

2010-01-12T23:44:00.004+11:00

It’s all going really well for the self proclaimed “King of The World.”

James Cameron has just delivered “Avatar” his sci-fi extravaganza to glowing critical and public acclaim and the film itself has earned over $US1 billion in box office receipts so far, which no doubt will surpass that during the duration of its run.

So it comes as some surprise to delve deeper into the psyche of the genius to find out he is an utter nightmare on set with a spoiled brat temper if he doesn’t get his way.

Whilst promoting “Avatar,” lead actor Sam Worthington stated on the Jay Leno Show that Cameron had very high expectations of cast and crew members and would often use a nail gun to nail the film crew’s cell phones to a wall above an exit door as payback for unwanted ringing during production.

Jeezus, a Nail gun!

It’s not safe to be on set whilst this director has a nail gun in his hand and is not afraid to use it.

Today he is nailing mobile phones to a wall coz he’s pissed but what’s he going to do for his next film, nail people’s faces to the camera if they so much as cough on set.

Does this psycho want and need the accolades he’s receiving now for “Avatar?” What sort of freakish ego trip is this going to send him on. Wasn’t it enough that we had to put up with his arrogance when “Titanic” exceeded the $US1 billion mark and he proclaimed himself the “King of the World” at the 1998 Academy Awards?

Star Kate Winslet stated after filming “Titanic” that she would not work for Cameron again unless she earned “a lot of money,” (goes without saying) due to his dictorial manner and flaming temper.

But the director who is in desperate need of Anger Management classes is in denial as to the effect he is having on cast and crew and the fallout he leaves in his wake after he has wrapped filming.

Cameron stated on Jimmy Kimmel Live! that although he doubts anyone would describe him as a mellow person, he is at least mellower than he was before.

A Cameron “mellow” is clearly not the same as a normal human being’s definition of “mellow.” Nuff said.

Delusional as hell for sure but then again karma’s a bitch.

And The Best Actress Oscar Goes to ... J Lo

2010-01-06T23:24:00.001+11:00

<

Obvious, right? For the highly viewed and critically acclaimed gem “El Cantante”. You seen it yet? Yeah didn’t think so. Guess nobody in the Academy did either.

But J Lo has, hundreds of times to be sure and felt she was shit hot and deserving to pick up that prize.

Once becoming a mommy to twins, Hollywood yawned and moved on leaving Ms Lopez with no choice but to get some serious publicity behind that huge butt of hers.

Delusional as hell, she told Latina Magazine, “I feel like I had that Oscar worthy role in ‘El Cantante’, but I don’t even think the academy members saw it. I feel like it’s their responsibility to do that, to see everything that’s out there, everything that could be great.”

Referring to the 2008 Oscars, she said “ It was funny; when the Oscars were on, I had just given birth on the 22nd, and the Oscars, I think, were a day or two later. I was sitting there with my twins - I couldn’t have been happier - but I was like, ‘How dope would it have been if I would’ve won the Oscar and been here in my hospital bed accepting the award?’ ‘Thank you so much! I just want to thank the academy!’ ”

Yeah seriously dope or dopey.

Can the woman speak so confidently after delivering that movie motza ball, “Gigli,” possibly the worst movie ever made?

Clearly she can.

The ego has definitely landed at the Lopez residence. Her husband Marc Anthony was in the movie too, but unfortunately he didn’t reach the dizzy heights of J Lo’s acting range so nobody mentioned him.

Jennifer from the block does feel she will get the Best Actress Oscar some day, her resolve will make it happen, mark my words.

She said, “Things will happen when they’re supposed to happen. I have the utmost faith and no doubt that it will one day, when and if it’s supposed to. You can’t get all crazy twisted over it.”

And don’t you doubt her. If Nicole can win one for wearing a plastic nose, it’s only a matter of time before J Lo’s stands at that podium to accept her Oscar.

I Honestly Love You But I Love My PR More

2009-12-01T19:18:00.005+11:00

Those with triple barrel surnames that no one can spell aren’t to be trusted.

Take Reese Witherspoon & Jake Gyllenhaal.

We were told yesterday morning they had broken up, then by lunchtime love had reared its ugly head and all was forgiven. By nightfall, the PR machine was cranked up and had thrown us a bone, spinning some shit about Reese declining Jake’s incessant marriage proposals and wanting to leave things as they are.

Come on, do we really believe all that baloney?

It’s hard to know with these two, I mean have they honestly even been together or has it just been a PR coup all along? Studying their carefully constructed photos it’s a little hard to tell. They always seem so aware of the camera. With Jake’s chiselled biceps, Reese’s chiselled chin, they are a publicists dream.

Yet for us the public their coupling can be dullsville, so things need to be spiced up to make them sound nothing short of fascinating, especially when there is an agenda at stake ie a film coming out starring one of the lovebirds. In this case Jake Gyllenhaal. His new film “Brothers” is due to be released in the States on 4th December.

And what better way to promote a movie than cause a bit of controversy with your relationship, you break up but hey guess what you make up in time for the premiere where you walk the red carpet looking all loved up. The paps are there waiting to get that money shot because everyone thought you two were breaking the fuck up.

The added promotion helps to remind us who you are again, because hell knows we certainly forgot. We then feel compelled to see the movie, the film does well, the backers get their dosh, the publicist has done his job, you get the picture?

Ofcourse there is another angle, the story of Jake wanting to marry Reese and her turning the proposal down could have been released by Reese’s people. After all maybe the Southern Girl is using a bit of reverse psychology to get her reluctant man down the aisle.

Time will tell which way this story swings.

Keith Salutes His 45 Year Old Baby Girl

2009-11-23T22:34:00.006+11:00

In yet another attempt to show the world that they are gloriously in love and their relationship still has legs media wise, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman did their best to act like they really cared for each other. Unfortunately nobody actually cares for them.

Never has the world beamed down two more boring individuals than these two robotic advertisements for plastic surgery gone wrong and a demonstration of acting class 101.

Nicole who it would appear will now go to the opening of a safety pin, due to lack of work commitments, accompanied her heavily pancaked hubbie to the American Music Awards on Sunday night.

Nic practically ran onto the red carpet and dropped to her knees to inhale the shag pile, she had missed it so much. She had been experiencing a red carpet withdrawal since her Oscar win when things started to go downhill.

Kidman was in seventh heaven on the red carpet at the American Music Awards. Keith on the other hand, was concerned if he had performed his poses correctly and wondered if he would be in trouble later. The couple executed their now famous profile to profile move which they have patented and have used on many previous red carpets.

They created the move as Keith’s makeup and three day growth messed up Nicole’s tightly pulled face, so with this move, no actual facial contact was required, just a deep intense stare into each other’s eyes which conveyed a seriously loved up couple to people watching.

Keith took his feelings for his sweetheart further by professing his love for Kidman and not to be forgotten, little Sunday when he picked up the award for Favourite Country Artist award at the show.

On accepting the award he said, "To my wife, I just love you so much, baby girl," "This is for you and Sunday."

Kidman sat in the front row and beamed at her husband because he memorised what they workshopped together beautifully.

Baby girl and pancake face left shortly after satisfied that they had produced yet another brilliant show.

We look forward to the next red carpet event to see the same moves performed yet again.

Nicole Kidman: One Red Hot Sexual Poker?

2009-11-05T21:12:00.007+11:00

Yep. She’s back to her tried and tested old tricks again.

In case you’ve been living under a rock you would know that La Kidman has a new movie out soon, ie “Nine” the all singing, all dancing, all Hollywood hottest ladies starring movie due to be released shortly.

The cast is jam packed with some of the most gorgeous stars around i.e. Penelope Cruz, Kate Hudson, Marion Cotilard, Fergie and Sophia Loren, so what do you do when you want to ensure some of that much needed publicity flies your way and maybe not theirs?

You come up with some bullshit story about being a sexually charged adventuress who chews up men and spits their leftovers into the toilet, or something along those lines.

In an interview with GQ magazine, Kidman revealed she had dark, hot feelings in her loins and her experiences of love ranged from ‘mundane’ marriage (no guesses with whom on that one) to “strange sexual fetish stuff”, (a big sweeping statement and yet no further detail was given).

I’ve explored obsession. I’ve explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I’ve explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy,’ she said.

That will keep the press interested for a time, surely?

The illuminating interview was accompanied by Nicole doing her best robot dominatrix cover shot complete with one alluring yet confusing black chiffon glove and kinky over the knee leather boots.

Unfortunately her face remained frozen solid in a passive Mona Lisa smile. She tried valiantly to arrange her features into something close to a come hither look but it was a no go, it had been immobile since the first injection circa 2000 when Tom departed.

The most alarming note about her sound bytes was that we were supposed to assume that she was somehow doing the “strange, sexual fetish stuff” with none other than the Tan Man, Keith Urban.

Kidman said ‘It’s a very extraordinary, adventurous place to be: incredibly raw, incredibly dangerous and you’re very much out at sea. You're exposed. You could drown.

Oh puleeze…

It is hard for us to visualize that after spending a day of crooning country tunes, Keith liked nothing better than to peel off the checked shirt and cowboy boots at night to transform into the Gimp to satisfy his lady’s fetishes.

He was also a self sufficient type of guy, so he liked to tie himself up to the bed posts and await his woman who would administer twenty of her best lashings to his tanned back whilst wearing a granny nightie and a full face of fright night make up. She liked to imagine it was some of the Hollywood studio bosses who wouldn’t give her work anymore so Keith had to be a saint to take the beatings, but at least her knew his pretty bride would get a good night’s sleep afterward.

Yeah we are totally buying it.

Come Daddy Dance with Robbie Williams

2009-10-14T23:00:00.000+11:00

Robbie Williams was due to make a triumphant comeback after a three year hiatus away from the pop world on reality show X Factor last night; however, his performance was nothing short of cringe worthy.

Williams took to the stage with a face dripping sweat and deer in the headlights eyeballs flittering around the room whilst working some killer dance moves. Well that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Robbie might have thought his moves were kickass but they were described by one insider as like “watching your dad dance at a wedding”. Ouch!

Dressed in a suit, way too small for him, Robbie performed the first single, “Bodies” from his new album, “Reality Killed The Video Star,” but consistently interrupted his own performance to shake hands with audience members and address the crowd. 'What a pleasure,' he said, as he shook hands with fans and dribbled sweat over their faces and eyes.

Faithful X Factor fans, took to the show’s online message boards to discuss Robbie’s performance. The majority of comments were not favourable with many concerned for Williams’ welfare, intoning that his time in rehab for addiction to prescription drugs seemed to have been useless.

The singer admitted the performance didn’t go too well. But who was to blame for this shoddiness? Not Robbie it would seem but a humble stage door, albeit a jammed stage door, at least that’s Robbie’s story and he’s sticking to it.

Robbie advised he had an amazing pose ready to launch himself on stage with it as “Bodies,” commenced; however, the jammed door threw him off his stride.

Apparently he was left to open the door by himself, and not one person on the entire set of X Factor was lurking around to help him with the task.

Robbie said: “At this point in the rehearsals the music starts… The doors open… BUT LIVE… The music starts… The doors don’t open.

“So we’re a few seconds in and the doors remain closed… a few more seconds and they’re still closed.

“Now I don’t know if you’ve ever had 10 million people plus ready to judge you on your first performance back in three years…

“But let me tell you, if the door between you and them isn’t opening that’s enough to throw you right off your stride.

“I had to wedge it open myself. That wasn’t part of the show.

“That was brute strength and now heavy nerves, shifting something I probably wouldn’t be able to move in the cold light of day. So there’s a bad start. I had a whole pose planned and what not.

“But that went out of the window.”

Ok either a prima donna is in our midst or Occupational Health & Safety needs to get down to the set of X Factor pronto and evaluate this so called, one hundred tonne stage door that a grown man has trouble opening. And while they are at it perhaps question why not one stage hand, roadie, publicity or friends were around to assist with this beast of a door that poor Robbie had to deal with alone.

And if that bad door was enough to shrink Williams’ confidence and produce such a huge river of sweat in his first performance, this early in the piece, god help the longevity of the comeback.

Robbie we are behind you but please pull it together, or at least grow some muscles so you can open the heaviest door, climb the highest mountain and swim the Pacific Ocean to reach your fans and deliver your very best performance, sweat free.

Renee Says Keep Your Mitts off Bitch, He's Mine

2009-08-23T23:34:00.009+10:00

As she slipped her hand confidently into his back pocket she let the world and Jennifer Aniston know just who was calling the shots on this one.

There they were in sexy

Spain

, Renee Zellweger, 40, Academy Award winner, on a secret tryst with her new toyboy, Bradley Cooper, 34, a man with a perennial Hangover.

Only problem, they were surrounded by a horde of pesky paps. Lightbulb: What better way to let Jen know that he’s Renee’s man than when the images are plastered around the world’s entertainment portals.

Just because a guy in Hollywood is single doesn’t immediately mean Jen gets first dibs at them. Doesn’t also mean they are instantly interested in Jen….clearly.

Yes we know the woman is need we say it … desperate, but hey Jen guess what, he’s just not that into you. There are other ladies out there who are sick of hiring a model for their red carpet event and are clawing their way to find that one hang up free guy, which is virtually impossible in the problem seductive world of Hollywood.

For once Renee’s permanently slit closed eyes opened to ensure they stayed peeled on her man. You never know when Aniston might pop up into Spain looking for Bradley.

On the other side of the world, a freshly golden streaked and newly tanned Aniston completed yet another magazine story revealing her breasts and illuminating the world as to how much she enjoyed being single and hoped to be friends with Brad one day...yawn.

Keep trying Jen, Sean’s coming up for dibs any day now.

Paris Hilton: I'm Not A Slut, I Was Just Acting

2009-07-28T00:00:00.004+10:00

Paris Hilton is hurtin. She’s sick of the shit the world is throwing her way. She wants everyone to back off and stop calling her shallow, cheap and other undesirable names.

Apparently the scantily clad Paris you’ve seen dancing on table tops and posted on every celebrity website and blog including this one, is all an act. It’s a brand, a pose that Paris insists must be played so she can bring in the cold hard cash. And y’all fell for it too.

There you were thinking she was just a low ho when in fact calculating Paris has been keeping her eye on the prize. After all the Hilton Hotel chain is looking a bit shabby of late and there’s always the possibility the heiress won’t collect as much as was initially expected when the time comes to hand over that cheque.

Whilst filming her upcoming MTV series, aptly titled, "Paris, Not France", Paris appeared momentarily concerned about her public image. "In a way, (the persona) is good, but I also don’t want people thinking of me as this blond heiress… airhead," she says. "But that is kind of my brand. I make a lot of money by doing that."

The 28-year-old socialite also revealed she was worried about misconceptions placed upon her from her infamous sex tape, adding that people perceive her "thinking I’m a slut and thinking I’m something that I’m not".

Paris went on to explain that the makers of the documentary added in footage from 1 Night In Paris without her knowledge. "I didn’t know the sex tape was going to be in it," she says. "It’s very tough… I can’t believe they kept that part in there. I thought they kept that part out."

Paris’s brow furrowed for a second whilst she mused over the situation. She then yelled toodles, reapplied her lipgloss and ran off in a dream like state to meet her sister, Nicky for a round of much needed retail therapy. It would ease the pain of what she was feeling and she did very much need another Blackberry to go with the other twelve models she had at home.

Paula Abdul, Your Time Ends Now ...

2009-07-20T23:35:00.004+10:00

Ok so the slurring and the momentary lapses of sensibility appear to be coming to an end. And it’s a damn shame if that’s the case; she was the best thing on American Idol.

The rest are replaceable, obviously the contestants, especially the other two judges.

In fact, just have a desk with Paula sitting there mumbling incoherently. Now that’s what I call good television.

The callback auditions begin on August 6th but Paula is yet to be offered a contract for the coming season, though Simon Cowell was inked up super fast.

Clearly Paula and her manager, David Sonenberg, are miffed at Paula not being included in the next series.

Speaking to Los Angeles Times, David said,

"Very sadly, it does not appear that she's going to be back on 'Idol."
"I find it under these circumstances particularly unusual; I think unnecessarily hurtful," he said of the contract holdup. "I find it kind of unconscionable and certainly rude and disrespectful that they haven't stepped up and said what they want to do."

By the moving speech above, I take it her manager was possibly even more upset than Paula with the news. After all he had to compose the statement, whilst Paula sat dazed and confused in a corner, offering futile advice like she did with the Idol contestants.

David now has to deal with the added pressure of Paula hanging out at his house whilst he does his best trying to find her a new job.

No easy task when your client is stuck in some weird 80’s fashion statement.

Don’t worry David. Maybe American Idol will suddenly remember they need three judges, realise nobody else wants the gig and come crawling back to the nutbag.

Oh Happy Days!

Nicole Kidman Purchases A New Wig

2009-05-28T14:25:00.001+10:00

Nicole Kidman appears to have gone back to her red hair or at least treated herself to a new red wig.

The white blond snow queen look that La Kidman perfected since she left Tom Cruise made her look like she was at least a thousand years old but was the only colour she could go for which allowed her to cover up all the grey granny hair she had.

Nicole has been searching for a new look since she became mother to Sunday Rose, and loving wife to Keith Urban. She realised that she had been getting some bad press since she was a cold blonde and now needed something that would warm up that icy expression she projects so well.

Nicole ordered a hundred orangutans have their hair shaven off so that a fresh red wig could be made for her head.

Last night, Nicole and Keith were seen in New York after leaving the Broadway play God of Carnage. Nicole had her new red wig soldered to her head along with what appeared to be a swelling belly.

Dressed in a shapeless, bag lady style pink slip, it caused the gathered press to assume at once she was pregnant. Which ofcourse is what Nicole wants you to assume, because Nicole knows it’s important to keep media attention on her at all times. God forbid that we should actually forget about her if the press didnt remind us.

Husband, Keith navigated his wife around the waiting media like the diligent sidekick he is. If anyone needed a makeover overhall, surely it’s Keith? The guy has been carrying around that mop of a highlighted hairstyle for the last twenty years as well as a love of orange skin. The pair couldn’t be more different and yet perhaps they are perfect together.

Get ready to see more of Nicole popping up all over the place as the year progresses, after all she has a movie coming out and it’s important to be seen and not forgotten.

Brad Pitt Spews Forth Sickening Declaration of Love For Angie

2009-05-25T23:59:00.002+10:00

Ok we’re sickened, literally. Hands down the throat at this latest unnecessary statement by the ever so perfect yet titillating couple, well Brad anyway.

Clearly frightened by the power “She” yields on him, Brad felt the need at every given turn in Cannes to somehow mention Angelina and be thankful for their heavenly relationship and six god spun cherubs.

Speaking at an after-party in Cannes, Pitt said, “I am in love and I have the most beautiful family - what else can a guy want? I am the happiest man ever.”

“My daughter from Africa is beautiful. We’re so lucky to have her and to have children from around the world. They’re all fantastic and we would love another. Who knows, maybe we’ll have one in London, I’d like that.”

A zillion people round the world suddenly felt nauseous.

Yes we know you are apparently totally loved up with each other, we know you are perfectly assembled creatures, we know your brood of angels are glorious and we know you had to absolutely outshine Quentin Tarantino at the premiere of his movie Inglorious Basterds, at Cannes, but really it’s not necessary to shove your faeces down our throats?

Or perhaps Angelina wrote that little love statement for Brad to read out. Because it seemed staged. Why did Brad feel the need to declare his sugary feelings to the outside world? Who the hell are we? Sure we lapped up that crap but it really wasn’t necessary.

We never thought we were on their level anyway, after all we are just humans. They, on the other hand are specimens of perfection. The pressure to maintain the role of god’s most loved and beautiful couple on the planet must be massive.

How long can they sustain it before the next god-like couple hits town?

Mel Gibson Asks The Church To Pray For Him

2009-04-28T00:02:00.004+10:00

And he’s going to need their prayers too.

After all there’s a $1 billion fortune at stake so parting with half of that to loyal wife of twenty eight years, Robyn Moore, 53, has kept Gibson, also 53, worried with grief and needing of Catholic guidance.

The once religiously pious actor is not having a good run of late. His alleged Russian girlfriend, singer, Oksana Grigorieva, is pregnant and hearing of this news was the last straw for wife, Robyn who has been putting up with Mel’s philandering ways for many years.

Apparently he has had a string of girlfriends over the years and it seems now all wasn’t blissfully perfect in the Gibson residence with Mel and Robyn, parents to seven children, not living as a couple since 2006.

Mel has now moved Oskana and her 11 year old son to actor, Timothy Dalton, into one of his mansions in California.

Gibson, was romantically linked to the Russian brunette after he was photographed with a bikini-clad woman, known only as "Oksana" on a Costa Rican beach.

These latest revelations come after Gibson surprised a conference of US Catholic bishops earlier this week and asked them to pray for him, saying 'Keep me in your prayers, I'm going through a bad time in my life."

Realising that Gibson’s plight was a grave and more serious concern than any of the world issues the bishops had on their list of causes to pray for, they immediately pledged to help save his soul and naturally keep his fortune intact. Mel felt so sad think his wealth could shortly be halved that he asked for as many prayers as possible.

Prayers aside, Gibson didn’t waste any time hiring a top lawyer as did his wife Robyn, and one thing’s for sure, their upcoming divorce promises to be one grand Hollywood spectacle.

Plastic Phil Spector Manages A Reaction To Verdict

2009-04-16T23:00:00.002+10:00

The verdict in the retrial of has been pop producer Phil Spector was finally reached after a five month retrial. And the result? A resounding guilty.

An audible sigh went through the courtroom, possibly happiness or just relief that finally nobody had to look at the demented bird like creature with a frozen paris trout any longer.

Phil looked visibly shocked when the verdict was read, which was alarming in itself as his face hasn’t moved like that for over twenty years.

Nearly two years ago in 2007, at the first trial for the murder of actress Lana Clarkson, it appeared that Spector would walk away a free man as it ended a mistrial. However, this time around, Spector was not so lucky and the jury felt certain that Spector was their man.

Spector’s musical career all but dried up somewhere in the 70’s and since then he has spent his time tormenting women and getting cheap work done to his face.

He once had a successful career as a music producer in the 60’s and became famous as the man behind the “Wall of Sound,” a swirl of melody and percussion that was the underlying foundation of some of the greatest recordings of that time such as the Ronettes “Be My Baby,” and Ike and Tina Turner’s “River Deep, Mountain High.”

He went on to produce classic albums such as the Beatles “Let It Be” and John Lennon’s “Imagine,” which makes his utter desperate demise into an ant of a human being all the more horrible.

On May 29, Phil Spector, 68 will be sentenced for being found guilty of second-degree murder. He could potentially spend the rest of his life behind bars.

Spector will clearly have a long time to reflect on his actions to women, whether he has any remorse regarding his behavour is another matter altogether but at least we won’t have to look at his deranged face any longer.

Nicole Kidman Attempts Sexy Back

2009-04-09T12:20:00.002+10:00

Nicole Kidman hasn’t got many avenues left to head down these days to get the kind of publicity she used to be able to achieve.

The only option left for her is the red carpet.

The woman gives good red carpet, seriously. She is one of the best there is, she works it well, has Keith trained beautifully on his poses and knows how to get the best money shots. She should be good though, she learnt from the master, Tom Cruise.

She had that shit down pat with Cruise, he nuzzled her neck on queue, they looked moodily into each others eyes and they gave cold yet sexy stares to the awaiting photographers. It was all in a day’s work and that’s why they were the number one couple in their heyday.

Now things have changed and Nic wants to regain the throne with the help of husband, Keith Urban. However, she has a few issues to contend with that so far have stopped her getting there.

One of them is Keith. He just doesn’t have it the same desire that she or even Tom Cruise had. He’s a laid back dude and not publicity hungry and you can tell he is more concerned if he has succeeded in acting out the pose that Nicole told him to do when they were practicing in front of the mirror at home because she could get angry if he gets it wrong.

Secondly, Nicole’s face has changed so dramatically since her glory days with Tom that she looks positively senior citizen; hence she just doesn’t look hip and happening.

Because of this Nicole has had to compromise. Now she doesn’t mind where the red carpet is or what it’s for, who cares, if she spies a red carpet, she is so there.

That’s what she and Keith appeared to be doing at the Country Music Awards last weekend.

Nicole was wearing an ankle length black dress all blinged up to the max which was all covered up at the front, but the reverse of her dress had a wide slash to reveal her toned back. Naturally she was overdressed next to the other attendees who wore Stetsons and jeans.

Nicole ensured that every picture the paps snapped had her back strategically placed for maximum coverage. She orchestrated some additional shots with Keith, where they appeared to laugh at nothing particular, knock heads as they have done in numerous photos previously and looking like they were having the best time together.

The woman will never give up her scheming and try to just be a normal human being. We know she needs to keep getting work (even though she had declared repeatedly to the world she wants to give up Hollywood) but at some point, doesn’t she just want to move on with her life?

Then again it’s probably too late for that kind of behaviour now. She really can’t remember the all the many stories she keeps telling the world, just like the way she can’t remember ever using Botox.

Madonna Is An Army Booted, Camouflage Suited Mum

2009-04-05T23:52:00.000+10:00

Are we really all that surprised that Madonna’s adoption case was rejected?

Ok we are surprised. I mean come on, nobody, I mean nobody has dared to turn Madonna down, well at least nobody has before, but Malawi, where Madonna is attempting to adopt her second child, Mercy, from, did just that and left Madonna openmouthed, dumbfounded and momentarily gob smacked as to what to do next.

But really, did she even attempt to follow the guidelines of the adoption process of Malawi? Did she try to ingratiate herself with the locals? Did she come over all motherly and warm and fuzzy? Or did Madge just bamboozle herself into trying to get what she wants and when she wants it because the woman has the patience of an ant so things must move at her god damn super fast pace or get the hell out of her face.

Did she need to walk down the dusty streets of Malawi wearing a combination of laced up army boots, combat pants, ginormous sunnies and Heidi of the alps tied plaits. Just what the hell kind of mother type look was that? She looked like she was either ready for war or ready to start vogueing rather than cuddling her newly acquired daughter. If I was Mercy, I would be petrified too if my mother turned out to be an army sergeant and asked me to drop to my knees and do twenty push ups.

Maybe in New York that look is really common for mothers, but certainly not in the simple streets of Malawi where Madonna, her brood and a hurd of paparazzi stood out glaringly against the backdrop.

This story isn’t over ofcourse. Madonna will never leave anything without a good fight but the Malawi people must be glad at the very least that her fashion sense has left the country and they can rest their eyes on their beautiful landscape once again.

Hello Sailor – John Mayer Gets His Sea Legs Out On Display

2009-04-03T23:58:00.000+11:00

John Mayer gets stranger by the day. Gone are the smouldering, brooding singer, guitarist days of yore. Ok he can turn that on if he wants to, but clearly he doesn’t want to anymore.

He thinks he is some sort of super funny comedian now and he is pulling all the stops out to channel this new found supposed talent. It’s not a good look for him and more to the point, he’s really not funny.

Somewhere along the line someone said to him, hey dude, you are like really funny and you know that saying don’t believe the hype? Well you guessed it, he believed that shit.

Here he is on the Mayercraft, a 3 day gay old cruise to Mexico that Mayer hosted for his sycophantic attendees and entertained them with his music, comedy and antics including debuting a song called “Heartbreak Warfare” which left people wondering if it was about Jennifer Aniston, declaring in a comedy sketch that he had got it on with Perez Hilton and alluding to partaking in a bit of gayness on the side in a bid to be witty and risqué as well as showcasing his very long legs in this miniscule naval ensemble.

Ok it has to be said John Mayer is extremely good looking but he is going out of his way to damage his image and alienate his audience by acting like a total fool. The song “Daughters” is never going to be the same for me again when all I can picture is Mayer in those ludicrous shorts.

Ok the whole thing is mildly amusing but it just reeks of arrogant famewhoring.

At least we know one thing for sure, he’s not the next Sasha Baron Cohen.

Kylie Minogue Spends Forty Dollars on Clothes Budget

2009-04-03T00:46:00.000+11:00

Times are lean for all of us at the moment. There is a global economic crisis going down and we are all affected for many years to come.

OK well us normal folk are affected, I don’t mean celebrities. Let’s face it, celebrities live above and beyond the poverty line and probably don’t even know that the world is in bad shape financially speaking or perhaps they watch the news from their Bel Air homes safe in the knowledge that their fortunes are rock solid.

Well at least we thought that was the story until one celebrity, Ms Kylie Minogue was seen shopping up big at charity store, Salvation Army in Melbourne, Australia.

The usually label conscious fashion diva, who only last year pocketed 2 million pounds for 2 short performances in Dubai, must have already blown all her cash as she had come down to her last $40 and decided to spend it at the Salvation Army store on two dresses, a hat and a skirt.

The store manager of Salvation Army said the star tried her best to hide from the media but her massive shades gave her away.

Minogue seems to favour shopping on the cheap. She was previously seen shopping at Vinnies, another charity store in Sydney only a few years ago.

So what did she do with the 2 million pounds we wonder that she needs to shop cheaply or is she just a good old fashioned scab? We think maybe just a scab.

Honestly, celebrities are doing nothing to help stimulate the economy. They are the only ones left with the big bucks now that CEO’s who try to sneak off with massive retirement packages are being halted.

Perhaps celebrities have realized attention is turning towards them and their big money as they are taking to hiding it under their mattress and living a hand to mouth existence.

Kylie is clearly starting with her financial plan now and storing her cash in a safe place because one day someone from the tax department might knock on her door and say give us your money, to which Kylie’s response will be,

“You’ll have to find it first.”

Nicole Kidman: Actress Seeking Work, Will Do Anything

2009-03-29T20:37:00.003+11:00

Nicole Kidman is pulling out all the stops to ensure she stays employed and is able to continue to maintain the luxurious lifestyle she is used to leading. After all, the woman does have a private plane to maintain.

Even though in recent months, Ms Kidman made strong declarations that she was planning to quit acting altogether and start a farm, do some gardening or cook a lamb roast for Keith and Sunday Rose or something along those comforting lines, it would appear that was just some spin to cover the fact in case she didn’t get any work.

We have seen her of recent times walking around Nashville looking forlorn, sometimes with kid in hand, sometimes with Keith but really just managing to get herself in everyone’s way and not having the slightest clue what to do in suburbia.

La Kidman is clearly not comfortable unless she is on set surrounded by the best in the business and dressed to the nines on a film carrying a $5 million dollar wardrobe budget.

But times have changed and even Hollywood is effected by the financial crisis, so what is a once A lister supposed to do? Well nobody said Nicole wasn’t resourceful. She is doing what other actors do when they don’t get film work, film a commercial overseas with a massive budget and just hope like hell that nobody in Hollywood finds out.

That’s what Nicole has done, here she is in India this week filming a commercial for a well known soft drink company and completely selling her ass out in the process.

Only recently Sean Penn made a rather not so oblique reference to Kidman saying in a roundabout way that an actor he worked with stopped shooting so that they could film their Chanel commercial. See Sean Penn story here.

But times are lean and Nicole is pimping her ass all over town to grab anything she can get her mitts on to keep the dosh rolling in.

In addition she has just signed on as part of an ensemble cast for an as yet untitled upcoming Woody Allen film.

Oh thank goodness, Sunday will be able to get her dinner now after all.

Judgement Day for Jeremy Piven

2009-03-27T22:04:00.003+11:00

The day of reckoning will soon be upon Jeremy Piven so he may not be smiling so radiantly.

Whether he was or wasn’t faking the allegedly high levels of mercury poisoning that existed in his system and was the reason as to why he dropped out of the stage production of the Broadway production of “Speed The Plow,” he will now have the chance to prove his claims.

Piven left the production in December citing at the time that he had a massive amount of mercury in his system, in fact six times more than the average human which he blamed on the humble sushi roll that he had apparently been eating since birth and which he held fully responsible for causing the high mercury in his body.

Due to the mercury poisoning he was lackluster, tired and listless and consequently had to leave the show immediately. Amazingly, though he gathered all his strength to attend whatever industry party was to be held during his run of the production, including Britney Spears’ 27th birthday party.

The producers of the show were understandably pissed and after talks failed at a grievance hearing held last month, the show producers and Piven’s people are now heading into arbitration to settle the dispute over his untimely departure from the production.

Both sides will have to meet with a mediator and Piven will need to prove his mercury poisoning both during his rather short run in the play as well as prior to this. The producers have stated that they have "requested a wide range of relevant information from Mr Piven relating to his claims that an alleged illness required him to leave the show".

Piven's spokeswoman Samantha Mast said: "The fact that the producers issued a statement announcing the arbitration dates suggests that this is part of a punitive strategy to intimidate actors so that they ignore serious health symptoms."

She added that fear of being sued would make it more difficult for performers to leave productions due to medical reasons.

Note to spokeswoman, Samantha, you are missing the point, the reason to take the job in the first place is not to think about how you could get out of it.

If an actor has a medical condition that may stop the run of an expensive stage production, then tell the producers that in the first instance and perhaps don’t audition for the part. There are plenty of actors that are more than willing to complete the run of the production solely for this reason – because they want to act.

It’s also called being professional – heard of it Jeremy?

Jennifer Aniston: The Evil Witch Comes Out of Hiding

2009-03-26T11:00:00.000+11:00

Ok a bit dramatic, but then so is she.

We know the woman wants to hide from the paparazzi and who can blame her, she is hounded day and night. But this sort of cloak and dagger get up is ridiculous.

Jennifer Aniston was seen leaving her hotel room in New York early morning, for a day’s filming on her latest move “The Baster” which she co-stars with Jason Bateman.

Now that Ms Aniston has no need for the press, i.e. her attendance at the Oscars, and promotion for Marley & Me had finished, not to mention her subsequent break up with John Mayer as he was no longer required, she ensured she covered up well and popped on a witch’s hat just to throw everyone.

However when she did finally pop her head out from under her frightening headgear, she realised she had been trailed all along by at least fifty photographers so her cover up was pointless.

As above mentioned scheme was futile, the next day, Jennifer was back to swinging her golden locks at the camera as if she was filming a shampoo commercial.

If you can't beat em, join em.

Victoria Beckham Strips For Armani With Help From Photoshop

2009-03-25T00:30:00.004+11:00

Victoria Beckham twisted and knotted herself into a pretzel during a dark and moody photo shoot for the latest campaign for Emporio Armani Women’s Underwear Spring/Summer 09 collection.

Wearing only skimpy underwear and killer heels, Posh Spice shot death stares at the camera in an attempt to be sexy.

Victoria tried her best to outdo hubby, David Beckham, who only last year made headlines with his scantily clad Armani ad campaign, but didn’t really have the equipment to enable the level of splendour that his shots achieved, however she was helped along by one of her close friends, Photoshop – the next best thing to Botox.

David is also shooting the Men’s Underwear Spring/Summer 09 collection for Armani and it’s thought the pair will pocket an estimated $40 million in total for their trouble.

Oh I am so glad the global financial crisis hasn’t affected the Beckham’s in the slightest.

It’s Ikhyd, Not Ickitt, Pickit or Lickit Says M.I.A.

2009-03-22T15:18:00.000+11:00

British Hip Hop star, M.I.A. has finally cleared things up with regards to her son’s name. For the record and to stop further inaccuracies, we are proud to announce her son’s name is Ikhyd.

Thanks so much for clearing that up M.I.A., that’s a load off our minds. It’s really nothing like Ickitt, which was the name initially reported that M.I.A and fiancé and fellow musician, Benjamin Bronfman, had named their son after his arrival into the world on February 11, just days after the heavily pregnant star, performed at the Grammy Awards, looking as if she would give birth on stage at any moment.

After Ikhyd’s arrival, there was much hullabaloo regarding his name and whether it would be weird enough to join the bizarre celebrity baby name club.

M.I.A. exasperated at the incorrect reporting, took to her MySpace blog saying “My baby is not called Ickitt, Pickit or Lickit, thank you very much. He’s a baby, he don’t need press!” She didn’t however announce at that time what she had named him.

The confusion was apparently caused due to the way his name is pronounced which is like Ickitt so can you blame us M.I.A.?

Now that we know his correct name we will be sure to address him properly if we ever meet him and as M.I.A. says, I guess now we can all go and stickit!

Russell Brand’s Fast Track Seduction Guide

2009-03-21T18:06:00.004+11:00

Yes it can be done. A completely unknown woman can be approached, chatted to and seduced, all within an hour. Just follow Russell Brand’s quick and minimal steps and you too can fast track your way to passion.

Russell Brand, 33, has been in Sydney on his “Scandalous” stand up tour, and whilst in town has lived up to the name of his comedy tour, getting a bit of the old scandal in with the ladies.

Whilst waiting for a ferry, he made a beeline for an unsuspecting pretty blonde, and laid on the Brand charm thick and fast.

The girl fell for the famous Brand charisma, there was much laughter and within thirty minutes, they were entwined in a hot embrace. Well, Brand did have the girl in a vice like grip so there seemed nowhere for her to go except to lock lips with the star.

Naturally the paps were around to photograph the scene which Brand seemed totally aware of.

Once the mission was accomplished, Brand move on to further adventures and the girl was never seen again.

Feel free to try out Brand’s moves, just remember, the girl has the right to slap you in the face.

Nicole Richie Gives The Two Fingered Salute

2009-03-19T19:30:00.000+11:00

For art’s sake you understand. Not because she is pissed off with anyone.

Nicole Richie has been photographed in a very graphic pop glam shoot for the upcoming April 09 issue of Blackbook.

Looking more Lady Ga Ga than her usual stylistic self, she seemed to be channeling George Clinton and the whole P-Funk movement, but then the April issue is dedicated to music so hence the OTT look.

Nicole can certainly carry off this fierce look, especially with boyfriend, Good Charlotte rocker, Joel Madden by her side, but we didn't say we wanted her to, she seems more suited to being a hippy kinda girl.

Nicole’s been quite busy of late, launching her jewellery line, her website and announcing her pregnancy.

The girl’s got a lot on her plate this year; we wish her all the luck in getting there, just go back to Hippy Chick, please?

Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer Fight Over Dumpee Title

2009-03-17T12:51:00.000+11:00

Yeah, they are at it again. Only weeks after declaring they were a serious item to contend with at the Oscars, where they staged a lovey dovey vibe, Jennifer and John Mayer seem to have gone their separate ways. Boring!

Ok we’ve been there done that with these two but the question is who showed who the door first?

When you’re a celebrity and you’re part of a celebrity couple, it’s important that when you break up with the other party, you alert the media immediately afterwards and announce very loudly that it was in fact you that dumped the other person.

You need to beat the other person to the post by letting the press know so that you come out the winner. You never want to look like the loser in the story, that somebody dumped your sorry ass and left you crying at a cafe somewhere.

It’s not a good look.

So the question is did John Mayer dump Jennifer Aniston or did Jennifer dump John.

Initially it looked as if Mayer took the title of “Dumpee.” He got in there nice and early with the press to ensure it was angled his way. But now Jennifer has come out to say in fact it was she who dumped Mayer, allegedly saying he became cold and distant after the Oscars. Probably due to the fact he was more in love with his Twitter account.

Guys get over it, your act at the Oscars wasn’t fooling us. We knew it worked well for both parties but now that the contractual obligations are complete, there’s no point keeping up the charade, is there?

Though wondering what Aniston will do for a partner at the premiere of her new movie “Management.”

Better get John back.

Act Three, Scene One: Joaquin Phoenix Club Brawl

2009-03-15T23:30:00.001+11:00

Yeah whatever, this story is getting boring now. How much controversy can newly minted rap star, Joaquin Phoenix cause?

It seems as if ever since Joaquin left acting and morphed into his new career as a hip hop star, he has been tainted with bad singing, bad dancing, falling of stages and now fighting with hecklers.

Come on, give us a break. It’s practically scripted.

Joaquin was performing at a Miami nightclub on Thursday night, when he was understandably heckled from the crowd due to his usual sloppy performance.

To which Joaquin shouted back, “We have a f**king bitch in the audience,” as well as this gem “I’ve got 1 million in the bank. What have you got bitch?” The crowd played their part in the ensuing clash by chanting, “Beat him up!”

Joaquin visibly exasperated, leapt into the crowd and both parties appeared to go at each other, though it was dark and nobody could really see.

Joaquin was then hauled away, before finally someone yelled “cut.” Actually, nobody yelled cut, but Casey Affleck should have, because he was certainly there to film the event, yet again.

That little piece of Thursday night fun was more staged than Hulk Hogan and the World Wide Wrestlers Federation.

When Casey gets around to putting this movie together, I don’t really know if it’s worth a view, after all, we’ve all seen it now anyway, on YouTube.

Check it out for yourself!

Nicole Kidman Says Don’t Forget Me, Look Here’s Sunday Rose

2009-03-13T22:19:00.003+11:00

You know Nicole Kidman’s a real trouper.

When she isn’t getting any media attention, she always has a new trick to pull out of her bag to get the paps all wound up.

At the start of the month it was the old, rest your hands on your tummy and everyone will think you’re preggers routine. Doesn’t matter if it was true or not, it certainly garnered enough publicity hype.

When everyone got bored of that one, she changed strategies. Now it’s bring out baby and ensure as many photographers as possible are around to see her with baby slung casually on hip.

Photos of La Kidman and bub can fetch a nice price thank you very much and once they are all over the web, then hey presto interest is activated.

One could assume this could be the case when Kidman was spotted out and about in Nashville with a rather tired looking Sunday Rose heading off to the Nashville Gymboree Play & Music Centre for some singing and dancing together time.

Her daughter seemed to be positioned so that photographers could get the best shot of both mother & baby and for a tot so young it seemed odd that she wasn’t wearing any head covering to protect her from the elements, but then I guess wearing a hat would obscure the photo.

It’s important for Nicole to stay on the Hollywood radar, because let’s face it, now that filming of “Nine” is finished, are there any new projects on the horizon?

Let’s hope this latest bout of interest in Kidman will enable a new movie script to get thrown her way because Nicole is running out of ideas of how to hold our interest and frankly we’re running out of interest in Nicole.

Madonna: Desperately Seeking Youth

2009-03-12T23:45:00.002+11:00

Madonna made a desperate play to show she can still kick it with the young girls out there by dressing up in a ridiculous school girl outfit to attend a fancy dress party for the Jewish celebration of Purim which was held at the Kabbalah Centre in New York on Monday night.

Looking more like her daughter Lourdes especially with her newly acquired twelve year old face to match, Madonna, 50, did nothing to dispel rumours that she is jealous of Lourdes trend setting look and growing popularity, by raiding her daughter’s wardrobe and demanding she lend her mother her Converse sneakers for the event.

Clearly, Madonna wanted to set the record straight to anyone who thought she might be ready for a granny blanket and a warm cup of soup, hope you are taking note Guy Ritchie.

Jesus Luz, her alleged new toyboy, for reasons known only to the couple, was dressed as The Joker, complete with scary face paint which obscured his usual handsome features. To add to the confusing he arrived at the Centre hand in hand with Jessica Seinfeld.

We can only wonder what Jerry wore?

Nicole Wears Entire Jewellery Collection to Launch

2009-03-10T23:45:00.002+11:00

Nicole Richie was dressed like an Egyptian goddess to launch her jewellery collection “House of Harlow 1960” at the famous Kitson boutique in LA on the weekend. Swathed in billowy white, and adorned with what seemed like every piece in her jewellery line, House of Harlow 1960, Nicole was so blinged up she looked like she had stepped directly off the set of “Cleopatra.”

Crowds of fans waited patiently outside to see their idol and Ms Richie didn’t disappoint.

Nicole named her jewellery collection House of Harlow 1960 after her daughter, Harlow with Good Charlotte muso, Joel Madden.

The 35 piece collection was co-designed by renowned celebrity jeweller, Pascal Mouawad and is an interesting mixture of materials, including leather, gold-plated metal, crystals and peacock feathers which are used to express Nicole’s love of bohemian, gypsy, tribal, flower child and street wear, however the inspiration for the collection was directly inspired by Nicole’s love of the 60’s and 70’s.

There are heavy gold bracelets and huge cocktail rings and prices will range from $50 through to $250. The collection itself goes on sale at Kitson in December.

In her press relapse, Nicole said about her collection, I’ve always felt that great accessories are essential in every complete outfit and I wanted to create a collection that was easy to mix and match; to either wear alone as an everyday piece, or stack on to make more of a statement.”

Nicole has come a long industrious way from her wild child days of yore and it’s great to see her become so enterprising. The collection is hot and we predict it’s going to be a huge success.

Look for Nicole’s fans on the streets of Hollywood, complete with gold headband.

The Cruises Bring Robot Glamour To Japan

2009-03-10T11:06:00.000+11:00

The Cruises. They’re strange aren’t they or is that stating the bleeding obvious.

They look shiny perfect and expensive, and no hair is ever out of place, yet there is something peculiar & odd about them. Particularly Tom.

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise touched down at Narita airport in Japan on Sunday and as expected, hordes of fans were waiting for their arrival. Tom is still flogging “Valkyrie” to the peoples and he dragged Katie and Suri along to ensure maximum publicity for his movie.

Katie is apparently taking a break from filming her current movie, “The Extra Man,” or did Tom organise her "break" so that she could accompany him?

Even after the long flight, the Cruises had their white toothy smiles in place, actually just Tom did, Katie wasn’t willing to go that far to help his cause. She had the look of someone who couldn’t wait to get to her hotel room and have a long nap.

Their clothes were beautiful and Suri as always, was dressed ridiculously for a child who has just been on a flight – in a bright red dress with a tiny white cardigan. Hardly practical clothes for a kid.

The Cruises should take a page out of Brangelina’s book who arrived at the same airport with the children dressed sensibly for the flight a month ago. But then maybe only Brangelina can get away with dressing normally, they would still cause a riot no matter where they travelled to and what they wore.

The Cruises on the other hand need to ensure they stand out for maximum impact and press coverage, after all there’s a movie to be promoted and god forbid that they should be ignored.

Mickey Rourke Lifts The Fashion Bar Once Again

2009-03-08T22:57:00.001+11:00

Mickey Rourke looked absolutely stunning a few nights ago, stepping out for dinner at Nelo’s in NYC.

Never one to shy away from making a fashion statement he boldly mixed print with print, vivid colour with colour, breaking all the fashion taboos.

His fashion instincts were honed in and he wildly threw the ensemble together but only once he had slipped on lurid blue gloves and slender silver shoes was the outfit truly perfection personified.

He caused many a gasp as he made his way to Nelo’s, some cries of admiration, others were along the lines of “who’s the freak in the day-glo outfit.”

It’s going to be hard for Mickey to top this one but we look forward to his next rainbow creation.

Katherine Heigl: The Anatomy of A Diva

2009-03-06T23:47:00.000+11:00

She hasn’t been around all that long really when you think about it but it’s good to get in early with divaesque behaviour so that you can set yourself up in Hollywood as someone to be hated, don’t you think?

That’s what appears to be Katherine Heigl’s plan.

She has been causing some controversy on the set of her latest movie “Five Killers” for being “extremely unprofessional” making outrageous demands and doing a no show at meetings as she had more important stuff to get on with.

But this certainly isn’t the first time we are hearing this old chestnut. According to an extra on the set of “27 Dresses,” “Heigl reportedly refused to film any scenes until her pregnant assistant ran around and got her a Coke Zero. She refused to eat lunch next to anyone or have anyone speak to her once the cameras stopped rolling.”

“No one on the crew likes her,” an insider said.

“She has a sense of entitlement that is really off-putting,” another source learned. “Many directors that she’s worked with in the past do not want to work with her again.”

Heigl seemed to have a promising career in front of her or at least that’s how things were looking at the end of 2007, what with a successful gig on “Grey’s Anatomy” and starring in one of the top comedies of that year, “Knocked Up.” The girl had it all in the palm of her hand and was considered to be one of Hollywoods biggest rising stars.

Miss Heigl then started to believe her own hype and thats when things started to go horribly wrong.

In an interview in the January 08 issue of Vanity Fair, Katherine dissed the role that made her a star, calling Knocked Up “sexist” and then proceeded on to bash “Grey’s Anatomy.”

Then a few weeks before the 2008 Emmy nominations were publicised, Heigl dropped her major faux pax, she announced that she had withdrawn her name from consideration because she felt she hadn’t been given good enough material and didn’t think it was fair to the other potential nominees.

To say nobody was pleased was putting it mildly. That said, she wasn’t fired from the show and was forced to fulfil her contract.

Since that time, she has managed to keep her big mouth shut till now. The thing is, everyone knows a true diva will always have to come out at some time if they want to shine in their role.

We look forward to watching Miss Heigl’s next divaesque move, so much more interesting than her (yawn) film career.

John Mayer Votes For John Mayer, Unsurprisingly

2009-03-05T00:34:00.005+11:00

Well that’s a huge shock isn’t it? John Mayer’s at it again, big upping himself and partaking in a humongous marketing campaign at self promotion, even though he announced to the world that after his appearance with Jennifer Aniston at the Oscars, he would vanish from sight to work on an album.

Well he didn't. Guess he couldn’t stand to leave us without one of his fascinating witticisms.

Clearly tickled by the flurry of stories being written about him, albeit inadvertently through his association with Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer cannot help himself. He must be on the web researching how many articles refer to him on an hourly basis and studying each story at length. He then uses his Twitter page to wax lyrical on his favourite topic – himself.

In a Twitter post yesterday, Mayer said "I just voted on People's 'Is John Mayer a keeper?' poll. I clicked 'Love him'."

He’s referring to People’s poll asking punters whether Jennifer Aniston should stay with John Mayer and if he is a keeper.

Well unfortunately John adding his own vote on the matter hasn’t really seemed to help.

Results of the poll show that only 40% love him. The balance 60% who want Jennifer to lose the guy seem like very smart people indeed.

But you know John’s a very dedicated guy and he’ll put in the hours necessary to make John Mayer a fully fledged star. He’s determined to push up those statistics and won’t stop till we love him a full 100%.

Oh god, have we created a monster?

Is Jennifer Lopez a Jewel Thief?

2009-03-04T17:57:00.000+11:00

Well even celebs do what they gotta do to keep the funds rolling in. Or so it would seem.

Apparently Jennifer Lopez has kept a firm grip on $US50,000 worth of diamonds she borrowed from Swiss billionaire, Robert Mouawad, to wear to the launch of Andrea Lieberman’s fashion line ALC at Barneys. Other stars who attended the event including Gwen Stefani and Ellen Pompeo also borrowed jewellery but managed to return theirs.

J Lo was the only one diva enough to hang onto hers.

Mouawad’s people received a call from J Lo’s manager informing them Ms Lopez intended on keeping the jewellery. “As far as Mr Mouawad is concerned, Jennifer can have whatever she wants, but a premature demand seemed presumptuous. He will lose no sleep over $US50,000, and frankly, Jennifer’s endorsement is priceless.”

Naturally Jennifer’s manager insisted she was given the jewellery for hosting the event but we’re not going to fall for that one.

Come on. Let’s face it, J Lo isn’t the same bankable star she once was. In fact, does she even have any projects lined up? To say her endorsement is “priceless” is probably a bit of a stretch to say the least.

But we are in the midst of a global economic crisis and even stars are looking for innovative ways to bring in the moola.

It’s important for J Lo to get her paws on anything valuable, she’s got the twins to think of and who knows in these dark financial times when her next project will arrive.

Jennifer Aniston Gorges Herself On Dog Biscuit

2009-03-02T16:22:00.000+11:00

All in the name of promotion you understand.

Let’s make that clear. Jennifer Aniston only eats salads to ensure her beautiful figure stays firm and toned. But in this particular instance, a meaty dog biscuit was involved.

Aniston and Owen Wilson, stars of “Marley & Me” have taken their movie to Europe, heavily promoting it around the major cities.

In Cologne, Germany last Saturday, they continued their onslaught, appearing on popular TV show “Wetten, dass...?”

The show is known for getting its guests to do something zany and after losing a bet the pair wolfed down some dog biscuits. Actually it was Wilson that lost the bet, but he made Aniston share in his failure by getting her to take a doggy bite.

Aniston cheerfully played along but drank a large glass of water immediately after to flush the biscuit out of her system, just in case dog hairs started to grow.

Nicole Kidman Likes To Tease Us

2009-03-01T13:18:00.000+11:00

Yes she’s back to her tricksy ways. Always taunting us with the old “is she or isn’t she pregnant routine.” I’m talking about Nicole Kidman ofcourse.

Remember she gave us that spiel around the beginning of last year? One moment denying she was pregnant, in other instances cradling her stomach rather blatantly as if she was with child, all with a secret smile on her lips.

The press continually released confusing statements to the public as to the nature of Ms Kidman’s delicate condition, one moment pregnant, one moment not and her publicist routinely denied everything. It was puzzling but that’s the point – it kept us all interested.

And then once she had built up enough curiosity she finally broadcast to the world that yes, she was pregnant, or at least somebody was. On the unveiling of her news, she looked deliciously pleased with herself.

Is this what Nicole has got up her sleeve this time round?

She was photographed in Japan with an overly tanned Hugh Jackman doing a late flog of their movie “Australia.” You know the one that garnered the really bad reviews for Nicole. Besides the fact that the chignon on her head made her look about ninety, Nicole insisted on patting some non existent lump on her stomach as if she was pregnant. Now why would she do such a thing, if she wasn’t?

Naturally the press there for the event immediately alerted the world that she was pregnant. But Nicole, however, had her publicist deny the allegations. She may or may not continue to taunt us on whether she is or isn’t in the family way but really that isn’t the point. It’s just a good way of keeping the press engrossed in her.

And why do you suppose she is doing this? Isn’t it clear? Her career has all but been annihilated after her abysmal performance in “Australia.” She’s in the bad books, nobody wants to hire her and she needs a tactic to win over the public and Hollywood’s love again.

And now she’s got it. It worked superbly the first time around with Sunday Rose and now it’s going to work for her again. That baby angle is pure gold.

Whether she actually is or isn’t pregnant is irrelevant.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Is Crazy Lady With A Croissant

2009-02-25T10:18:00.003+11:00

Well it’s certainly an unusual way of celebrating turning 30, or is it just a tad loony bin?

It seems Jennifer Love Hewitt took it onto herself to dress up in character, in black dress, pearls and long gloves, just like her idol, Audrey Hepburn did in classic movie “Breakfast At Tiffany’s” by turning up at iconic jewellery store, Tiffany’s, albeit in Beverley Hills and re-enacting the famous scene from the movie, complete with coffee and croissant in hand, just like Audrey.

The moment was captured by the paparazzi who were tipped off as to her arrival at the store.

A desperate cry for attention perhaps?

OK maybe Hewitt is prepping for an upcoming movie or she is doing research, but Hewitt has in fact already played her idol, in a made for television biopic, “The Audrey Hepburn Story.”

Could it be that obsession has leaked over into real life? Or has Hewitt just had a hard time of late and just wanted to do something, well...crazy?

It’s possible. She recently split from fiancé Ross McCall and has also had a run in with a demented stalker so maybe the girl just wanted to have some much deserved fun.

Relax Jennifer, you’re only 30, it’s when you turn 40 that you really need to pull out all your desperate moves. Just look to another Jennifer, who recently turned 40 for reference.

Nicole Richie - Babymama Once More

2009-02-24T09:59:00.001+11:00

Nicole Richie 27, and boyfriend Joel Madden 29, have announced they are in the baby way again.

Madden posted a message on his band, Good Charlotte’s website announcing the news, saying,

“What's better than winning an Oscar? I am so happy to tell everyone that Harlow is going to be a big sister! God has truly blessed my family. Hope you're all feeling as good as I am right now."

Nicole and Joel already have a baby girl, 13 month old cutie, Harlow who arrived into the world just a little over a year ago on January 11.

Since that time, Richie, former wildchild, daughter of Lionel Ritchie and ex bestie of Paris Hilton seems to have grown up and found her motherly feet. She has credited Harlow for her transformation saying “Obviously, the birth of my daughter is the best thing ever. She gives life a whole new meaning.”

We wish this too cute couple many hoorahs for their fabulous news.

Oscar Recap: Razzle Dazzle & All That Jazz

2009-02-23T11:03:00.002+11:00

Well we were presented with a new all singing all dancing format for the 81st Oscars on Sunday night that was low on the jokes but high on the dazzle.

But did we love it’s campness?

Well let’s just say Hugh Jackman delivered a spectacular spectacle alright but lacked the sarcastic deliciousness of previous hosts, John Stewart, Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg who had the gift of being able to send up the Hollywood community and make us all laugh at home even if the celebs who were at the Kodak Theatre didn’t or couldn’t chuckle due to tightened facial muscles.

To compensate for the fact that a financial crisis is taking place in the States, Hollywood tried to act as if cutting costs for big production numbers at the Oscars would be seen as sympathetic to the economic crisis and amusing to boot by the millions of people watching from home, so makeshift cardboard cut-outs representing the five best picture nominees were used as props to back up Hugh’s all singing/dancing review.

Yeah ok, we the peoples, were mildly amused by this but really it was like watching some seventies musical or possibly the Tony Awards which Hugh Jackman already hosted in a similar fashion.

The crowd was positioned closer to the stage inviting a theatresque, intimate setting where laughter could be heard reverberating around the room and dispelling the tension and intimidation experienced in previous years.

Unfortunately the pleasure of seeing Hollywood squirm as we have at past Oscars was sadly lacking but what we were rewarded with was a night of great speeches by a cross section of people.

Notable mentions of the night:

Hugh Jackman – performed a stellar Cabaret opening number complete with high kicks, thick orange pancake makeup and dried up saliva which seemed to be forming at the corners of his mouth due to nerves or dehydration perhaps?

Tina Fey & Steve Martin – one of the few really funny moments of the night. These two presented the Writers Awards and were just awesome together. Anyone got a script to throw their way?

Penelope Cruz – Won Best Supporting Actress and gave one of the best and real speeches of the night about growing up in a small town in Spain and her dreams of being at the Oscars.

Ben Stiller & Natalie Portman – Ben Stiller’s Joaquin Phoenix impersonation was spot on but not sure if everyone in the Kodak Theatre or watching from home for that matter got it.

Heath Ledger – Unsurprisingly, Heath won for Best Supporting Actor and even though he has been winning every precursor award in this category it was still extremely poignant to see his mother, father and sister come up to the stage to accept his award and give a very dignified speech on his behalf.

Kate Winslet – Finally won for Best Actress after being nominated several times. Looking breathtaking in her two toned YSL blue and black gown, her speech was much better than her over the top sermon she delivered for her win at the Golden Globes.

Sean Penn – Sean upstaged Mickey Rourke with his Best Actor win but gave a brilliant speech starting with "You commie, homo-loving sons of guns. I did not expect this, and I want it to be very clear that I do know how hard I make it to appreciate me often."

Danny Boyle – Our favourite of the night, Boyle’s speech was gracious and honest – a truly genuine guy.

But the best for last, the most noteworthy moment of the night though has to be the Brangelina vs Aniston debacle. As Jennifer Aniston took to the stage with Jack Black to present the Animation awards, the Oscar producers couldn’t resist a sneaky cut to Angelina Jolie to gauge her reaction.

But Jolie being the smart lady she was and noticing the camera lens pointing her way, had already arranged her features with a warm expression, smiling widely up at Aniston when the cameras panned her way as if what Aniston was saying was just so great and funny and if they were all going to invite each other over for a cup of tea real soon.

Ah Hollywood, don’t you just love em.

Oscar Glamorama

2009-02-21T13:44:00.012+11:00

To gear us up for the 81st Annual Academy Awards on Sunday night, let’s take a trip down memory lane and check out all the best of the best glamorous and blinged up ladies working it majorly on the red carpet over the years at the Oscars.

You will notice some of their faces have changed over time but hey, its Hollywood and a girl’s got to be able to give good red carpet if they want to survive and be noticed because let’s face it a successful gown is all one needs these days to get noticed by a top director.

These are some of our faves:

Julianne Moore (Oscars 03) - Four time Oscar nominee Julianne Moore wears gorgeous emerald YSL on the red carpet perfectly complimenting her auburn hair. Our absolute favourite.

Michelle Williams (Oscars 06) – This saffron yellow Vera Wang gown looks superb on Michelle matched with bright red lips. A dazzling look but she gets away with it.

Reese Witherspoon (Oscars 07) - Reese Witherspoon is just stunning in aubergine layered Nina Ricci by Olivier Theyskens.

Angelina Jolie (Oscars 04) - Angelina Jolie in sexy white satin Marc Bouwer, say no more.

Cate Blanchett (Oscars 99) - Cate turns up not once but twice in our gallery and we could have gone for a third. John Galliano’s back-embroidered butterfly-decorated gown is just amazing and Cate has consistently been a true style leader over the years.

Gwyneth Paltrow (Oscars 07) – With straight ironed locks and beautifully pleated apricot tulle-and-chiffon Zac Posen gown, we can forgive Gwyneth for past misdemeanours.

Bjork (Oscars 01) – Dead swan dress obliterates the compettion. Nuff said.

Looking forward to bitching about all the new gowns and faces on the red carpet Sunday night.

Check back for a recap.

John Mayer To Make Virgin Debut At Oscars

2009-02-20T10:50:00.001+11:00

With stars in his eyes, John Mayer announced that he would be attending Sunday night’s Academy Awards as Jennifer Aniston’s handbag.

This is John’s big chance to make an impression on Hollywood, after all, he is tall, dark, handsome and his home videos are super funny.

Surely he would be awesome on the big screen, so directors please do take notice of the man candy on Jen’s arm. It won’t be long before they are lining up outside his door with scripts.
Clearly starstruck with his gold star chance, John revealed his thrilling news in an interview with PopSugar saying:

“I’ll give you the scoop. I’m going to the Oscars. It’s my first Oscars. And it’s my first being an Oscar boyfriend. After that night I have a deal almost signed in blood that says I must go into the studio and finish this record. So after Oscar Sunday, Monday morning I’m invisible.”

Jennifer Aniston is rumoured to be a presenter at the event and no doubt with the power wattage of Brangelina on the red carpet, the woman definitely needs some support to get her through the seven or so hour show even if it is from a douche who is desperate to make it in Hollywood. But then again she’s using the guy too so it all evens out nicely.

Let’s hope there are some fireworks on the red carpet.

I Said Peanuts Not Penis ...

2009-02-19T11:47:00.001+11:00

Is Zain Verjee a dirty girl?

Last Tuesday whilst trying to read a story about North West airlines serving peanuts to their customers, riveting news as that was, the CNN anchor stumbled on the word “peanuts” saying “penis” instead. Not once but twice.

Freudian slip?

Can’t totally blame her, peanuts and penis are very similar words and maybe she was just trying to spice up the story, although do we really want to be served a bag of penises?

Poor Zain, the guys in the newsroom will never let her forget this one. Too hilarious.

Changeling – A Mother’s Fight For Justice

2009-02-18T23:00:00.003+11:00

cocobytes Review
"Changeling" is a heavy, sombre story with a lot of shade and not so much light within its narrative.

Continuing his series of darkly themed movies, Clint Eastwood, 78, aptly directs this “true story” of single mother, Christine Collins, played by Angelina Jolie who in 1928 Los Angeles, returns home from work to find her young son, Walter, is missing and attempts to report this to the police.

After an initial feeble attempt in getting involved, the LAPD find themselves, months later, under pressure to solve the case. They return a boy to Christine and arrange for the media to capture the reunion.

However, Christine quickly realises he is not her son and fights to find justice and truth within the police force, whilst relentlessly continuing the search for her son. She is supported on her pursuit by Presbyterian minister, Reverend Gustav Briegleb (John Malkovich), who himself is on a campaign to expose corrupt cops.

Christine’s dogged battle with the police ultimately sees her thrown into a mental hospital, where she finds other woman in similar situations for speaking out. She struggles to clear her name and resume the gritty search for her son.

Angelina Jolie, has a lot on her plate playing Christine Collins and is required to produce a gamut of emotions from loss, grief, fear, anger, frustration as well as moments of hope. It’s a lot to ask and at times Jolie is robotic and appears to lack the substance to make us empathise with her character.

We know we are supposed to feel emotion for her but it’s hard when her extraordinary face and red, luscious lips are continually displayed on the screen at every given opportunity, distracting us from the storyline and somehow giving the feeling that despite her grief, Christine was always able to apply Chanel Rouge Allure lipstick.

The story at times is difficult to watch due to the subject matter and not necessarily aided by overacting on the part of some of the main actors however, scene stealer, Amy Ryan as the prostitute imprisoned in the mental hospital, gives another convincing performance.

"Changeling" as a whole has its flaws but the compelling story leaves the viewer with the feeling that the pursuit and determination to discover the truth is the only way we can truly live our lives with integrity.

Earth to Joaquin Phoenix, Anybody Home?

2009-02-15T20:11:00.002+11:00

Hey Joaquin. What have you been smoking? Whatever it is, it’s some good shit.

Joaquin Phoenix has caused some concern as to whether he is insane in the membrane after a bizarro appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman left people wondering about the actor.

The interview got off to a less than promising start and proceeded to get more cuckoo as it progressed. Phoenix was on the show to promote his latest and possibly last movie, “Two Lovers,” but didn’t seem to be endorsing the film at all.

Joaquin either didn’t answer Letterman’s questions or sat staring at his hands or mumbled incoherently or looked perplexed at the audience’s laughter all the while, chomping away on some gum.

Letterman wasn’t going to make it easy for Joaquin either, and took any opportunity he could to get a few digs in, at one point asking “What can you tell us about your days with the Unabomber,” to which Joaquin stared blankly in response.

The only time that Joaquin managed to utter more than a one word answer was when Dave asked him whether he was serious about quitting acting to which he replied, “I have been working on my music; I am doing hip hop music.”

When people in the audience laughed at that, Phoenix asked “What do you have them on? What do you gas them up with?”

But the best line of the night, which almost seemed cruel, was when Letterman joked at the end of the interview “Joaquin I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight.”

If the dude is hoaxing us, it’s brilliant, but if Joaquin is genuinely going down some hippy love train nutcase path, it’s just plain space cadet behaviour.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, we don’t all have to play the tough guy as Letterman does, but it’s certainly puzzling to see Joaquin’s metamorphosis from Oscar nominee to hip hop hobo.

I tend to feel we are being punked by the performance, it’s just too good, especially when Joaquin stuck his gum under David Letterman’s table – that’s genius right there.

Guy Ritchie - Grossed Out By Madonna & Jesus

2009-02-13T16:55:00.002+11:00

Well can you blame him?

It seems that Madonna’s salacious photo shoot in the March issue of W magazine with alleged new toy boy, Jesus Luz, has totally repulsed her ex husband, Guy Ritchie.

He apparently told Madonna that the images were embarrassing and were grossing out their children. A sentiment equally echoed by the rest of us who had the distinct displeasure of eyeballing the photos.

The images shot by Stephen Meisel in Rio de Janeiro, though beautifully photographed, show the 50 year old singer in provocative poses with 20 year old Jesus Luz which leave nothing to the imagination and reveal a desperate need to show the world that her granny bones are still appealing to a young, hot guy.

It would be interesting to see what Lourdes who at 12 years old is closer in age to Jesus Luz, thinks about the photos, let alone Rocco, 8 and David Banda, 3.

But then apparently Madonna doesn’t let her children read any newspapers, listen to the radio or watch television so they are under the impression she is as apple pie mummy as Carol Brady. And I’m sure that nobody has ever slipped them an incriminating photo of their mother, so naturally they are in the dark about her slutty ways, right? The media block out is probably lifted when they are thirty years old.

Madonna was pissed off when Guy Ritchie had the sense to criticise her. Not because she is on the whole, always pissed off about something and not because she is concerned if the kids actually see a picture of her bony ass, but because she hates anyone, especially her ex husband commenting on what she does “artistically” with her career.

Nobody questions her Madgesty’s artistic integrity, nobody.

You got that Guy.

Gwyneth Paltrow Is So Not Cheesy

2009-02-11T23:30:00.002+11:00

No way. She is class personified. You got that.

That is why at last Sunday’s Grammy Awards, she deemed it “cheesy” to walk down the red carpet with her husband and Coldplay front man, Chris Martin, opting to go solo. She told Fox News, “It’s cheesy. I mean, who wants to live like that?”

Oh the haughtiness, the fact she is totally above it. Brangelina; lovers of red carpet must be distressed by her comments.

But do we really believe her cheese?

Could it have anything to do with the fact that Martin doesn’t ever want to be seen with his wife in public and frankly this is something she cannot stand.

Here she is, a beautiful woman with a yoga toned body to boot and her husband doesn’t want to be seen with her. That’s gotta hurt.

Gwyneth strikes me as a pampered princess who always got her way before she met Martin. Then she got married and things changed.

So what’s a girl to do?

Well, Gwynnie had a good chat with herself and got into some serious self loving. She said “You be strong girl, you get yourself off that spoiled ass and you sashay down that red carpet like you own it and you dress yourself in the most sexiest, outrageous clothes and everyone is going to love you and worship at your feet.”

So far all Gwynnie has managed to extract from her public is a few raised eyebrows at her choice of outfits, but it takes time to gather worshippers and she is dedicated to assemble a group of sycophants so she can run back to her hubby and scream, you fool, look how much the world adores me.

Sean Penn - Pissed At Gold Digger Actors

2009-02-09T11:02:00.003+11:00

Don’t get in Sean Penn’s way. He’s pissed and rightly so.

Not at us hard workers, mind you, just his fellow gluttonous actors who feel the need to prop up their already sizeable film salaries by doing endorsements with high paying clients who want their beautifully transfixed faces to sell their products.

Yes it is nauseating. Don’t these people have enough already? No they are insatiable money grabbing whores who don’t feel that a $40 million income per year is enough to maintain the lifestyle that they desire.

In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, Sean indirectly calls out one actress by her endorsement deal, stopping short of naming the person in question but clearly wanting to.

He said, “People are spending too much time modelling for some f**king clothing company instead of acting, and I resent it. It’s like, ‘Are you going to do the Chanel ad today? I thought you were in the middle of shooting a f**king movie.”

“Just let me know if you mean it. I want to know you’re trying to write the great American novel every time. Fail all you want, but f**king try.”

Is Sean making an oblique reference to Nicole Kidman? Come on, we all know Sean Penn worked with Kidman in “The Interpreter” and around that time she became the face of Chanel.

The guy is absolutely furious and rightly so. Are we to surmise that Ms Kidman was cutting days of filming during “The Interpreter” so that she could shoot her $3.7 million salaried, 30 second commercial she was producing with Baz Luhrmann, for Chanel? A shoot that, let’s face it, she is more capable of being good at. Beautiful dresses, flawless makeup, expensive scent and a photoshopped face, what more could a girl ask for?

But ofcourse we can only speculate.

It appears there are two types of actors in Hollywood. One are actors like Penn, who are utterly dedicated to create something that they have given their heart and soul to, and another are movie stars who happily pimp out their asses to the highest paying bidder by endorsing whatever product they have going, if it happens to be high end, all the better.

It’s a good thing Penn is trying to shame actors into taking their day job seriously. But is it a lost cause? We are talking about Hollywood here, a place which breeds of its own hype, where the very wealthiest stars are not only accepted but also respected and admired.

Good luck trying Sean.

Mickey Rourke Is A Homeboy In Electric Blue

2009-02-06T11:32:00.001+11:00

What a fashion plate Mickey Rourke is, don’t you think? A little bit pimp, a little bit ole school homeboy.

He’s been going all out this award season with flashy sunglasses, groovy striped shirts and hippy beads knotted at his throat, and he usually likes to strut his signature pose for the paparazzi, one hand inserted into the top of his shiny tight fitting pants – hmmm?

But this latest ensemble is tres magnifique and tops the lot. Wanting to really stand out from the pack, Mickey was a vision in dazzling blue which blinded nearby onlookers.

He’s in Paris promoting his film “The Wrestler,” and no doubt fashion conscious Parisians will take note of his eclectic electric blue style. Of particular note is the hip hop chain hanging off his jeans – way cool dude.

We look forward to seeing Mickey in nothing less than a show stopping outfit at the Oscars.

Note to Jennifer Aniston – You’re Not Married To Brad

2009-02-05T12:58:00.002+11:00

Hey Jen, not sure if you are aware of this small fact but you’re not married to Brad Pitt anymore.

In fact, you haven’t been married to the guy for yonks, so it’s interesting you seem to be in denial and still call him your “husband.”

Which Jennifer did in a new interview and photo shoot in the March edition of Marie Claire with some of the stars of her latest movie “He’s Just Not That Into You,” including Drew Barrymore and Ginnifer Goodwin. They all discussed their dating woes and the usual problems us girls experience with men.

However, Aniston who loves to chastise the press for discussing her personal life, was the first to fire the flames by rehashing the topic once again.

Aniston said she was suspicious about the whole online dating thing and was frightened of the internet. Jeez. She prefers more prehistoric methods of communication like audio cassettes which she uses to creepily tape phone messages from all of her exes including her husband. Bizzaro stalker behaviour indeed.

Some highlights of the interview are:-

Marie Claire: You all have, um, colorful dating pasts. If you weren’t celebrities, how would you choose to meet men?
Drew Barrymore: Drunk in a bar. No, wait - kidding!
Jennifer Aniston: I’d have to be dragged out to places. Well, like I am now.
Marie Claire: No Match.com? No Facebook?
Jennifer Aniston: No, No, No. The Internet freaks me out.
Ginnifer Goodwin: I think it’s the Devil. We’re pack animals! We’re supposed to be connecting face-to-face.
Jennifer Aniston: The Internet warps reality. If you’re an Internet person, real life will fall short of what you have been privy to online - sexually, emotionally. It’s so unreal and gives you this sense of order where there isn’t any. You can’t drag and paste life!
Marie Claire: You don’t feel you can get to know someone online?
Drew Barrymore: You think people tell the truth about themselves? Every guy is 6′4″ with a huge schlong. That’s why people love it so much. Internet doesnot equal sodium pentothal.

And ..

Drew Barrymore: I remember when I first started dating, the big thing was Radioshack answering machines. It was such a huge deal to run home and check your messages. And when you could actually check from another phone? That was, like, the craziest thing ever!
Jennifer Aniston: I still have the cassette tapes of messages from my first boyfriend, my second boyfriend, my husband… it’s like saving love letters.

Note the use of “husband” and not “ex husband” Psychologists will have a field day on her inadvertent slip.

Jennifer, for your own sake, move on from Brad. You’ve got John Mayer now. Go and tape some of the “gems” that he spouts out of his gob – he will love you forever for that one.

Lourdes Leon Is Rockin Her Fashion Style

2009-02-03T10:48:00.001+11:00

Twelve year old Lourdes Leon seems to have overtaken her mother, Madonna on the hip style stakes.

Actually come to think of it, it was pretty easy to overtake Madonna, let’s face it; the woman’s style has been quite dubious since the eighties.

Either Lourdes has got a stylist of her own or she is really good at throwing things together but the kid has been looking oh so hip & rock star leaving the Kabbalah Centre in New York, with her mother, in a funky mixture of Converse trainers, brightly coloured tights, cool t-shirts and a bevy of assorted hats, whilst still looking age appropriate.

That said, she manages to perfect the same bitchy expression on her face as Madonna.

We will have our chance to see if Ms Leon turns out just as doggy as her mother, as it looks like she wants to be, surprise, surprise, an actress and will be following her famous mum’s footsteps into the entertainment world.

Lourdes has been enrolled to attend New York’s famous Professional Children’s School, of which celebrities such as Scarlett Johansson, and Sarah Jessica Parker have also graced with their presence.

So she’s got the fashion down pat, let’s hope for Lourdes sake, that her acting debut turns out a lot better than her mother’s.

Madonna Still Worships Jesus

2009-02-03T00:16:00.002+11:00

She might be a Kabbalist these days, but Madonna still loves Jesus.

Jesus Luz that is, and by all accounts, it looks as if their “ficando” relationship (Portuguese for friends with benefits) is still going strong.

Madonna, 50, met the 22 year old Brazilian model during a shoot for W magazine in Rio De Janeiro and was so impressed by his total hotness that she invited him to join her on her Sticky & Sweet tour through Sao Paulo, not as a backup dancer but to provide some friendship backstage.

However, it looks like he might be more than just a tour whore.

The couple were seen last Sunday leaving Italian restaurant, Nero D’avola in NY together with Madge’s children, 12 year old Lourdes Leon and three year old David Banda before taking in a spot of shopping.

Rocco Ritchie was nowhere to be seen, he was possibly with Guy Ritchie who is currently also in New York visiting his children.

Madonna’s love life doesn’t seem to be slowing down now that she has reached the ripe old age of fifty. Far from it, seeming more like the Madonna Maneater of the eighties, her old form is back again, after her marriage to Guy Ritchie ended last November.

Only two weeks ago she was spotted with A-Rod at a get together at Jerry Seinfeld’s Hampton home.

More power to you Madge!

Catherine Zeta Jones Provides Beauty Tips To Combat Recession

2009-02-02T13:24:00.001+11:00

Finally, finally – a celebrity who really cares about the world, is aware of the impending economic crisis and is willing to do their part in coming up with really useful ways to help out the woman and man on the street struggling to cope during these cash strapped times.

Catherine has been working on some inexpensive beauty tips that she would like to share with you. They can all be made at home with just some old food you have hanging around the house.

Mrs Douglas explained in a recent interview, “I rub a mixture of honey and salt all over my body to moisturise and exfoliate. You wash it off and your skin is gorgeous,” she said.

“Also, I love to eat an apple after a meal, just to cleanse my teeth - they always look polished afterwards. If there aren't any apples in the fruit bowl, a strawberry will suffice.”

“The juice or pulp of strawberries contains malic acid which serves as an astringent and can lighten surface stains,” she explains. “Pineapples work the same way.”

However, while her rather unusual beauty regime appears to have its benefits, Catherine admitted it has its drawbacks too. “I do condition my hair with honey and beer.” “I smell like the bottom of a beer barrel for days afterwards but it’s very good for the hair.”

Oh, she’s a smart girl, though she was once a poor girl from Wales.

Catherine’s not going to waste her or Michael’s hard earned cash on expensive creams and lotions. Being the thrifty girl that she is, she just grabs the jar of honey after the kids finish their morning breakfast and then smears it all over her body. Once finished, Catherine returns it to the kitchen for the next morning’s breakfast.

Sometimes the honey has a few toast crumbs in it but it doesn’t matter, it just aids exfoliation. And who cares if she smells like a rancid old hobo for days after washing her hair in beer. If it helps to save a few pennies, then that’s all that matters.

You can never be too careful during harsh economic times, and it’s good to see at least somebody in Hollywood being frugal. I mean, let’s not assume that only our broke asses are on the line.

So thank you for caring Catherine.

Note: After the interview, Catherine took her cheap skin and flew back in a private plane to her home in Barbados.

There are some things a girl just won’t scrimp on.

Evan Rachel Wood Only Likes Pretty Boys

2009-01-30T15:06:00.002+11:00

The girl really picks the hotties doesn’t she?

After breaking up with ladies man, 40 years old, Marilyn Manson, last November, 21 year old Evan Rachel Wood decided she needed someone with a really pretty face and even more maturity, enter 56 year old Mickey Rourke, her co-star from movie “The Wrestler” in which Evan plays Rourke’s daughter.

Rourke, who possesses a face that only his mother, and nobody else’s, could love, has been primed since his movie comeback for some serious lovin and was hoping like crazy that sexy time could be had with Ms Wood.

The pair have been romantically linked since their movie wrapped and they started the promotional tour. Looking rather cosy during the award season has caused obvious speculation as to the nature of their relationship, with Woods having to continually deny the rumours.

The latest, however, is that the pair were seen snogging at the Screen Actors Guild After Party at the Shrine on January 25th and were later seen leaving together for the ritzy Four Seasons Hotel, favoured spot of many a celebrity fling, where they were spotted kissing again.

Naturally the story has spread like wildfire, causing some distress to Ms Wood (understandably so). She was quick to quell the rumours, telling Rolling Stone magazine,

"I’m upset because I feel disrespected by the press and by Mr. Rourke," she said. "Just because I’m single doesn’t mean that you can take advantage of me. It’s unfair that the performances might suffer because of all of these distractions."

And regarding her alleged affair with Mr. Rourke, Wood says, "I'm not attracted to him, he's too old for me. Nothing ever happened and nothing ever will."

Ouch...

Her words must have been like a punch in Rourke’s stomach. Not attractive? Too old? Come on what’s not to love?

We look forward to seeing which stunning man or possibly grandpa, Evan picks next to be her boyfriend.

The Jolie-Pitt Posse on Display In Japan

2009-01-28T11:05:00.002+11:00

The Jolie-Pitts arrived en masse in Japan early Tuesday morning and struggled to get their brood of six through Narita airport.

Naturally they caused a spectacle, not because of the size and beauty of their rainbow family though that alone was enough to cause traffic in the airport but because they were trailed by a massive pack of paparazzi all vying for that money shot.

Flash bulbs went off in every direction and the gathering crowd was temporarily blinded, or was it just due to the Jolie-Pitt’s gorgeousness.

This was the first time we were able to view the whole clan in one place and their beauty was too much for mere mortals.

The twins, Vivienne and Knox were so delightful and pleasing to the eye, but then again what could we expect from this family of exquisite saints. Knox wore an adorable matching beret just like his dad and was almost as good looking. Both twins had the same dear in the headlights expression on their faces because they were scared shitless by all the press around them.

The family arrived in Japan for the premiere of Brad's latest film “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.” Pitt has been promoting this movie since like eternity, so he will be glad when the Oscars are finished so he can put Mr Button to bed.

They are due to return to the US in time for the Academy Awards, where both have been nominated for Best Acting Oscars and no doubt will steal the show even if they don't go home with an award.

Is Joaquin Phoenix A Bona Fide Gangsta?

2009-01-28T10:35:00.003+11:00

As much as there has been recent speculation that Joaquin Phoenix is faking his own career change as a newly minted rap star, the latest is he is the real deal.

Ok you have to admit you can’t blame anyone for thinking the whole transition thing into wanting to be a rap star was a sham, come on, the dude is a joke. Check out his embarrassing performance in Las Vegas.

But according to his rep, Susan Patricola, he is deadly serious about it. She says the actor’s move into hip hop is not a well crafted hoax but very real.

Patricola fired off an email to MTV stating “The transition from one career to another is never seamless. It should come as no surprise to anyone that Joaquin came from a musical family, in addition to winning a Golden Globe for his portrayal of Johnny Cash,” “He intends on exploring his musical interests despite speculative, negative or positive reactions.”

However, is she in on the joke too?

EW.com’s Hollywood Insider says Phoenix along with his brother in law, Casey Affleck, is not only playing an elaborate prank on the media, but his publicists are in on the scam too.

EW.com quotes sources close to the star as saying, "He said, 'It's a put-on. I'm going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it.'"

"It's an art project for him. He's going full out. He probably has told his reps that he's quit acting. "Joaquin is very smart. This is very conscious. He has a huge degree of control."

Hmm, interesting, if it’s a hoax, it’s a damn fine one. Maybe there’s more to Joaquin than we thought?

One thing’s for sure, either Phoenix is going to have the shortest career as a rap star or we are going to get our dumbasses punked for believing this shit.

Let’s Throw A Pity Party for Brad Pitt

2009-01-27T11:03:00.005+11:00

Poor old Brad Pitt.

It must be terribly hard ambling down all those countless red carpets with the most beautiful woman in the world i.e. Angelina Jolie, dangling from his arm, being paid twenty million per blockbuster movie, having six gorgeously stunning children, a string of multi-million dollar homes around the world, a jet setting lifestyle and then, god forbid, having to actually answer idiotic questions by irritatingly stupid entertainment reporters on the red carpet such as “what colour underpants are you wearing today?”

Yeah life’s a bitch.

And it’s even more of a bitch when you are one half of the most famous couples on earth, Brangelina, and possess higher powers than mere mortals, so dumb questions really insult your intelligence.

In an interview with Newsweek recently, Pitt complained of the perils he faced with being an A list celebrity at the top of his game, namely, how answering a few questions on the red carpet was excruciating and wasn’t “what he signed up for."

He told Newsweek, "This publicity machine is out of control. It's everything we didn't sign up for." "There's this whole other entity that you get sucked into. You have to go and sell your wares.” "It's something I never made my peace with." "Somehow you're not supporting your film if you don't get on a show and talk about your personal life.” "It has nothing to do with why I do this," he whinged.

Is it really that hard for Brad to do a bit of promotion for a movie that he believes in and that he is getting paid so much money for? Surely, it’s the least he could do without grumbling.

Could it be so stressful to answer a minute’s worth of questions, even if slightly personal, on the red carpet, before attending an award show and a number of sumptuous after parties where he and other Hollywood A listers are fawned over with champagne and caviar?

It does sound awfully exhausting.

Yes the general public are fascinated in Pitt’s relationship with Angelina Jolie, but can you blame them?

The couple’s faces are plastered in magazines constantly. If Pitt didn’t sign up for it, why did he personally choose to photograph a very private yet revealing number of shots of Angelina and his children for a massive spread in W magazine that was sold in large quantities all over the world last year? Why did Pitt continually discuss his love triangle with Jolie and ex wife, Jennifer Aniston, in numerous interviews during the year? Why are Pitt & Jolie so high profile wherever they go in the world and appear in the media on a near daily basis, even when they aren’t promoting a movie?

If Pitt really wanted to be less exposed, it’s totally possible, it’s totally his choice. Just say no.

Perhaps stop whining Brad, because if you don’t want to do it, I am sure there are countless people who would be more than willing to swap places with you and “sell their wares."

Baz Still Loves Nicole Kidman After All

2009-01-26T16:08:00.005+11:00

Oh it’s an absolute relief to know that Nicole Kidman can still count on Baz Luhrmann as a friend, even though it was reported that she allegedly helped to sabotage the success of her movie “Australia” by saying she didn’t like her work in the film whilst the movie was still doing the PR rounds.

Mind you around the same time, Baz had also declared to the world that he couldn’t work with Nicole again as she was totally highly strung or something to that effect. So guess it was a case of tit for tat for both parties.

But all seemed to be forgiven last Friday night, when they both appeared together, hugging and smiling, at the Waldorf Astoria in New York for a dinner, where Nicole paid tribute to Baz, presenting him with the Excellence in the Arts Award.

Baz was being honoured for his contributions to the Australian Film Industry at the dinner which was part of the G’Day USA Australia Week celebrating everything Australian.

Nicole chose the event to come out of hiding since an overwhelming amount of negative reviews of “Australia” mainly directed at her performance, had forced her to go undercover at her Nashville home where she could cry into her pillow undisturbed.

Showing off long strawberry blonde hair extensions and wearing a black satin dress with thigh high split, Nicole looked nervous and pensive, although that could just be due to her botox.

Her speech for Baz had to ofcourse feature herself because let’s face it, she’s not really eager to promote or speak highly of anyone else and Nicole really wanted to reignite the fires of interest in her personal life to the gathered crowd.

She said “Four years ago I was honoured at a similar event in Los Angeles and a young musician, very talented musician was being honoured that night too, and I had never heard of him,” Kidman said. “Now I have heard of him and I have to say I owe a lot to this event.”

Yeah whatever, I thought we were honouring Baz?

Nicole may be taking baby steps into the big bad world to test the press and public reaction as no doubt she will have to come out of hiding at some stage soon once her next movie “Nine” is ready for promotion.

Let’s hope for Nicole’s sake she likes her performance in her next movie, or more to the point, let’s hope we do.

Let’s Give It Up for Heath Ledger

2009-01-22T17:14:00.002+11:00

It’s been a year to the day that Heath Ledger passed away and though perhaps he might easily have disappeared from our thoughts, he refused to, thanks to his brilliant performance in The Dark Knight and his remarkable and unique portrayal as the Joker being embedded in our minds forever.

And now as a fitting tribute, the Academy Award committee has given Heath a Best Supporting Actor nomination for his work in The Dark Knight and most deservedly so.

If Heath Ledger does win the Best Supporting Actor award, it will be only the second time in history that an Oscar has been won posthumously for acting and the victory will be a bittersweet moment for his family, his fans and for all watching.

It’s heartbreaking, not just because Ledger was one of Australia’s finest actors as well as a grounded, gorgeous person but because he was so very young at twenty eight years old with so much promise ahead of him. He leaves an outstanding film legacy of performances that are raw, honest and show someone who was remarkably brave with their film choices.

His fearlessness will stand the test of time.

At the Oscars on Feb 22nd, if they do announce Heath Ledger as the winner of the Best Supporting Actor, let’s raise our glasses to the man and his work.

Here’s to you Heath!

Check out some of Heath's great work, below.

Oscar Nominations Revealed At Last

2009-01-22T14:46:00.003+11:00

The Oscar nominations were unveiled early this morning in Beverly Hills by Forest Whitaker and Academy Awards President, Sid Ganis.

The announcement was delayed two days due to the Inauguration and the hold up had Hollywood on its toes with anticipation.

The stars were up early, eagerly waiting to find out just who had made the cut. Because everyone in Hollywood knows, that list is more important than life itself.

The results of the nominations were mostly predictable with a few controversial moves and snubs.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button scooped the nominations pool with a total of 13 all up, followed closely by Slumdog Millionaire with 10 nominations and Milk with eight.

The top five films nominated for Best Picture are Slumdog Millionaire, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon, Milk and The Reader.

The Dark Knight was sadly overlooked for Best Picture as was Revolutionary Road for both Best Picture and in the acting stakes for Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio, even though the film made a showing at the precursor awards leading up to the Oscar nominations.

Both Brad Pitt and sweetheart, Angelina Jolie made it into their respective Best Acting categories which is totally adorable and will no doubt please many photographers on the red carpet looking for the money shot, not to mention ensuring the Oscars is a high ratings TV show by plastering Brangelina’s expensive mugs on screen at any given moment. They are both up against stiff competition in their categories though and it will be an unpredicted win if either manages to grab an Oscar.

Heath Ledger received a Best Supporting Actor nod posthumously for The Dark Knight and goes up against heavyweights, Josh Brolin, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Robert Downing Jnr and a surprising fifth spot going to Michael Shannon for Revolutionary Road pushing out Dev Patel for Slumdog.

Penelope Cruz heads up the Best Supporting Actress nomination list alongside Amy Adams, Viola Davis, Taraji P Henson and Marisa Tomei with Penelope being the odds on favourite and overdue for an Oscar win.

Circle February 22nd in your diary for the big day. Oscar list of main category nominations are:

BEST PICTURE
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

BEST DIRECTOR
David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
Gus Van Sant, Milk
Stephen Daldry, The Reader
Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams, Doubt
Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis, Doubt
Taraji P Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Josh Brolin, Milk
Robert Downey Jr, Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road

BEST ACTRESS
Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
Melissa Leo, Frozen River
Meryl Streep, Doubt
Kate Winslet, The Reader

BEST ACTOR
Sean Penn, Milk
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler
Richard Jenkins, The Visitor

Joaquin Phoenix Is A Total Phat Rap Meister

2009-01-21T11:00:00.002+11:00

Joaquin Phoenix is rediscovering his musical form now that he has given up all that stupid futile shit like acting and being an Oscar nominee and is able to focus entirely on his true love – hip hop.

Phoenix is determined to make it big as a funky rapper even bumping up the PR spin to promote his ass. He told People magazine recently just how serious he was:-

"This is me saying this is who I am. This is my story. After all the years of reading scripts and reading lines, this is my chance to do something straight from the heart and put it out there. When I was young I liked punk rock music but then I discovered rap. I love the storytelling aspect of hip-hop. Are there people out there who think I'm a joke? I'm sure there will be." Are there people who think it's going to suck? Probably, but I can’t worry about that."

Joaquin is so motivated about his new badass form that he is getting brother in law, good friend and fellow Oscar nominee, Casey Affleck to film and document the rise of the Phoenix’s rap career because you know it’s going to be awesome. These two have got to be joking, right?

Joaquin headed down to Vegas club LAVO with Casey in tow on the weekend to perform some fine rhymes and show the world his moves. When he arrived on stage, the audience gasped in awe because the man was ahead of his time, singlehandedly redefining the classic MC attire.

Gone were the chunky gold chains, the jeans hanging down around the knees and the backward cap. Oh no, that’s way too ole skool for Joaquin. He chose his clothes carefully, one woolly hat with holes in it that he found in the gutter - check, one saggy, smelly pair of grey pants - check, a comfy, cosy cable knit jumper - check and an unruly Grizzly Adams beard completed the look.

Yeah he’s looked damn fly for a white guy but then again it could have been a homeless man on stage. And just how was the man’s form on the mic? C’mon – it was lame, but to be fair he threw in a few moves, waved his hands around listlessly and at one stage fell off the stage – too cool.

Ok that may sound harsh, but take a look at the dude on stage. If he wasn’t an actor who once had some chops, would anyone be even listening? You decide.

Watch the man do his poetry, this is the essence of the Phoenix. The true Rap Aficionado coming at ya live and direct.

The Phoenix Raps Part 1

The Phoenix Raps Part 2

Jeremy Piven’s Fishy Illness – Aint Nobody Buying It

2009-01-19T17:48:00.002+11:00

Amazingly, the producers of “Speed The Plow,” the Broadway show that Jeremy Piven was starring in last year, don’t seem to believe the mercury poisoning story as the reason that he had to bow out of the production less than two months after it opened.

In fact they have gone so far as to file an official grievance with Actors’ Equity, against Piven to show just how much they don’t believe him.

In a statement, one of the show's producers, Jeffrey Richards, announced, "The producers of Speed The Plow have officially filed a grievance with Actors' Equity re: Jeremy Piven's departure. A date for these proceedings is to be determined."

Piven left the show just before Christmas, claiming he was suffering from mercury poisoning due to the large amounts of sushi he had apparently been stuffing down his throat continually at all hours of the day for many years.

He allegedly had six times the levels of mercury found in a normal person and as the illness left him with acute exhaustion, he wasn’t able to lift a finger let alone carry on with his role for the run of the production. However, he was able to continue partying till the break of dawn which brought on no acute exhaustion.

The story has now got so out of hand that Piven has been forced to defend his fishy claims by appearing on Good Morning America for a grilling by Diane Sawyer. (see footage below)

His rep also issued a statement about the Speed The Plow producers grievances saying "The claims made by the producers of Speed-the-Plow are absurd and outrageous. Mr. Piven's serious medical condition has been well documented by multiple physicians. He withdrew from the play due to medical necessity on the advice of his doctors, after he was hospitalized and warned by his physicians that enforced rest was necessary in order to avoid serious medical problems, including a heart attack.”

Since the theatre debacle, Piven has been diligent in undergoing treatment by following the doctor’s orders closely and taking his “enforced rest” at various parties after his abandonment of Broadway.

To read full story, click TMZ.

Is Jennifer Aniston Playing John Mayer Out?

2009-01-18T15:46:00.005+11:00

If the answer's yes, then it would serve the douchebag right for his previous misdemeanours to womanhood.

It seems that Jennifer Aniston was spotted sneakily creeping out the back door of Chateau Marmont last week, (hangout of more obvious bad girl types; Lyndsay Lohan, Sienna Miller and Paris Hilton), with a gorgeous man in tow, who was holding Ms Aniston tightly as if his life depended on it and helping her to navigate through the horde of spying nosey bodies who were openly gawking at the pair.

By all accounts her hot companion was way better looking and better behaved than Mayer. Witnesses described him as “taller, darker and handsomer,” and he appeared a lot more protective, shielding Aniston from the pushy peeps as they made their way to the safety of their awaiting limo.

For Aniston’s part, the same witnesses said she was looking "absolutely radiant and ravishing”.

Is Jen playing John Mayer out or is she just ensuring that he proposes to her on her upcoming 40th birthday?

Let's see how this saga pans out as 2009 progresses.

Madonna Receives Sacred Kiss From Jesus

2009-01-18T14:57:00.001+11:00

Well she probably ordered him to kiss her but at least it gives us a sneak peek at one of the first shots of Madonna & Jesus Luz together and about to perform some holy tongue hockey.

Note Madonna’s gloved hand pushing Jesus towards her in case he had second thoughts. She is pretty damn strong with those muscular arms so he had no way of escaping her clutches. The Material Girl likes to be in total control during escapades with the opposite sex and as she felt spiritually connected to Jesus, she was determined that they would come together in blessed union.

This initial image is part of a shoot that photographer and long time friend of Madonna, Steven Klein, had been photographing for W magazine of Madge whilst in Rio De Jeneiro.

Brazilian, Jesus Luz, 20 had been hired as one of the models for the shoot and Madonna was allegedly so swept up in lust the first time she eyeballed Jesus’ gorgeous hunkiness that she promptly asked him to accompany her on her Sticky & Sweet tour throughout Sao Paulo where they were destined to have a divine time together.

Will have to wait a little longer to see what other racy shots will be part of the shoot.

Image Source: Made In Brazil
Photographer: Steven Klein

Madonna Gets Mojo And Moula Back After Divorce

2009-01-16T15:49:00.005+11:00

Madonna has been looking better than ever since her divorce from Guy Ritchie late last year.

Gone is the lurid stage makeup and haggard expression that she wore during her Sticky & Sweet tour and throughout the trials and tribulations of her divorce last year.

Looking fabulously youthful and surprisingly elegant with new face in tow, she was spotted out to dinner with long time friend, photographer Steven Klein, at the Waverly Inn in New York.

It’s understandable that Madonna seems happier of late, she has much to smile about these days.

The Material Girl topped Calendar’s Ultimate Top 10 list of highest grossing pop acts for 2008. Madonna was the No 1 concert attraction and she took in $105.3 million from her touring in addition to $14.8 million from music sales. Worldwide, according to Pollstar, Madonna amassed a staggering $281.6 million.

Madge must be hugely pleased with her 2008 revenue, especially as she had to fork out so much money for her divorce to Ritche. Any new income will ensure she is not left poor, penniless and on the streets.

In addition, Madonna is supposedly dating model, Jesus Luz, 20. A relationship that surely must be blessed with the union of their names. Madonna met Jesus during a shoot for W magazine, shot by Steven Klein in Rio De Jeneiro, and invited him to join her on her Sticky & Sweet tour through Sao Paulo.

The couple apparently are “ficando,” which is Portuguese for friends with benefits and Jesus produced a return to form for Madonna who previous to limey Guy Ritchie seemed to favour the Latino look. A-Rod was nowhere to be seen.

Feeling rejuvenated and loved up by her new toy boy and with bags of cashola coming into her account, Madonna will be glad to see the back of 2008 and is hoping for a more successful new year.

For more details re Madonna's 2008 earnings, see story in All About Madonna

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – Not So Curious Really

2009-01-13T19:30:00.003+11:00

cocobytes Review
Though you are curious as to the manner of how Benjamin Button develops throughout his life, (i.e. he ages backwards),once you get past this fact, the rest of the story is a fairly rudimentary yet busy tale about two beautiful people who love each other.

David Fincher’s “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” is based on a short story by F Scott Fitzgerald about a man who ages backwards from beginning his life as an eighty year old to dying as a newborn while all around him everyone ages in the conventional sense.

Button stars Brad Pitt playing the lead character of Benjamin Button, Cate Blanchett playing his love interest, Daisy and a standout performance by Taraji P. Henson, who plays Benjamin’s mother.

The story begins when Benjamin is born “under unusual circumstances” in 1918 in New Orleans as a wrinkly, old man. His mother dies just after his birth and upon seeing the child, frightened and shocked father, Thomas, (Jason Flemying) abandons the child on the steps of a nursing home owned by Queenie (Taraji P.Henson). Queenie takes pity on Benjamin and adopts the child as her own.

Little, wrinkly Benjamin seems to fit in rather well with the other residents of the nursing home who take on his appearance as an unfortunate illness. Nobody including Benjamin, expects him to last long due to his delicate health but he continues to grow, get stronger and younger as he ages.

At 12 years old and looking ancient, he meets 7 year old Daisy and is instantly smitten, likewise for Daisy. They hang out together late at night which seems a bit weird and creepy to watch but over time, Daisy becomes his soul mate and destiny keeps bringing them together throughout their lives as Daisy grows older and Benjamin gets younger.

Over the rest of the duration of the almost three hour film, everything but the kitchen sink is thrown in with numerous supplementary characters brought in to confuse the viewer. Major events that occur in Button’s life are shown including getting a job on a boat led by Captain Mike (Jared Harris), fighting at sea in World War II and having an affair with aristocrat, Elizabeth Abbott (Tilda Swinton) whom he meets along his travels.

Sidelining these key events is his relationship with Daisy who becomes a famous ballerina. As their ages are now more closely aligned, their love for each other deepens though is tinged with sadness as they both know they won’t be able to grow old gracefully together due to Button’s “illness” and they cherish the remaining time they have together.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button has many strong points. Ten stars go to the fantastic CGI and prosthetic effects which are subtly done although at one stage when Brad Pitt was supposed to be about sixteen years old, his smooth skin and young features made me laugh out loud as he looked like he had just come from the set of “Thelma & Louise." Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett are strong in their roles, but neither are particularly moving or affecting to the viewer.

The movie is appealing but perhaps something has got lost in translation from the book to the film as it lacks any real dynamism to make it outstanding. The themes are sober, the underpinning score is heavy and the duration of the movie keeps the tone serious.

By the end of the nearly three hours, I was relieved and my curiosity was well and truly sated for another day.

Glamour Makes A Comeback At The Golden Globes

2009-01-12T18:10:00.005+11:00

The 66th Annual Golden Globes were back last Sunday night after a respite due to the Writes Strike last year and nobody was happier to see its return than Hollywood’s premium A-listers.

The event gave celebrities something to do whilst sitting around waiting for a role to come their way. An extensive preparation phase was required before being able to attend the Globes which involved getting their faces freshly botoxed, bodies pummelled, massaged and drained of fat, the choosing of an outfit to wear to the event and selecting the accompanying bling to ensure they glittered like a mirror ball.

This could take several weeks if not months to organise, but it kept them busy and purposeful and they threw themselves into the task with gusto. Ultimately, their face, body, outfit and accessories needed to be perfection personified to enable them to feel confident parading like peacocks on the red carpet as well as hobnob with various directors for that possible upcoming role at the after parties.

This year’s red carpet brought in a respectable amount of glamour but in a sophisticated and stylish way with few daring to be different. A predominance of grey and neutral tones abounded which were classy if not a tad lacklustre. Some highlights both good and bad included the following:

Eva Mendes – Definitely a stand out in her white Dior silk taffeta gown. Her turquoise diamond necklace from Van Cleef and Arpels complemented her skin tone perfectly.

Drew Barrymore – Her Galliano for Dior dress was a gorgeous shade of blue-grey but mismatched with her bouffant hair which made her look so young and girly as if she had just walked of the set of E.T.

Eva Longoria – Back on form after a number of fashion mishaps in a stunning, curvaceous red Reem Acra dress. One of only a handful of celebrities who dared to wear traffic stopping red.

Cameron Diaz – Her hot pink one shoulder draped Chanel gown was absolutely divine with her golden tan and a real standout amongst the neutrals but maybe she could have retouched her roots. Her hair colour looked a little mousey on top.

Kate Winslet – Elegant & old school glam in black strapless Yves Saint Laurent if not just a bit boring. However, her gushing double acceptance speeches for two acting awards ensured she was anything but dull.

J-Lo – Resurrected her bootylicious self in a revealing, gold Marchesa number but the plunging neckline was reminiscent of a previous Versace gown she wore to the 2000 Grammys – been there done that, time to reinvent yourself Jen.

Renee Zellweger – Somebody’s going to get sacked over this one. Zellweger looked as if she had turned up to the event straight from the set of some Victorian epic she was shooting. Wrong on a number of levels, with her spiral curls, see through blouse over a nude bustier and fishtail skirt, the look was completed with Renee’s nutty facial expression which made people wonder how many pills she’d taken.

Brangelina – Cool as a cucumber, this couple can do no wrong even when they snub reporters on the red carpet. Brad Pitt is a god, but is Angelina Jolie’s relaxed glamour getting just a bit tedious? Her subdued metallic Versace gown with thigh high split was beautifully elegant and understated but will she ever wear a bright colour again?

Jeremy Piven – It’s nice to see Jeremy making a comeback after his bout of mercury poisoning – such dedication to the cause.

No Sign of World Economic Crisis At Golden Globes

2009-01-12T15:57:00.007+11:00

The Golden Globes were back this year after the Writers Strike of 2008 forced its cancellation. Hollywood breathed a collective sigh of relief that they could go back to the heady glamour and abundant excess that they were used to.

Humungous bottles of Moet champagne filled the tables, goody bags overflowed with cars and houses, countless lavish after parties were attended and everyone knew that life was sweet once again.

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association spared no expense in feting and fawning over the actors, actresses, producers, directors and writers who attended the glamorous spectacle at The Beverly Hilton because let’s face it they truly deserved it and the Hollywood Foreign Press who remain faceless and nameless are just glorified (and rich) fans of their idols.

Goody bags were provided as a thank you to each of the presenters for managing to mumble a minutes worth of speech and due to the fact that they only receive the minimum union payment for services rendered. This may not seem much for their efforts but it all counts to the usual 20 – 100 million celebrities earn for each movie they make.

The goody bags contained such items as flights, jewellery, designer clothes, watches, ipods and iphones and even though every one of those presenters could afford to buy these items themselves if not several of each, they all clamoured to get one just like the way people clamour to get the red spot specials at Kmart. That said, the difference this year was that a hefty tax was being put on the goody bags which presenters would be up for, no doubt a harrowing experience they would have to endure.

As the show began and dinner was served, actor after actor strode onto the space age stage to either present an award or accept one, all the while hurling superlatives about how good they were at what they did whilst the attentive crowd nodded their heads gravely as if what was being said on stage was somehow important and life changing.

Highlights & Lowlights

Slumdog Millionaire – Superb movie and fantastic to see it win all the awards it was up for especially for a film with an unknown cast.

Tina Fey – Very funny and totally deserving for her excellent work on 30 Rock. Hilarious speech too.

Kate Winslet – Went a little overboard with the deep breathing and the gushing over Leonardo DiCaprio during her acceptance speech but she seemed heartfelt enough.

Heath Ledger - The real genuine moment on the show was Heath Ledger’s win for Best Supporting Actor which earned a standing ovation by the crowd. Everyone seemed to be backing him and it was sad that he wasn’t there to accept his award for a superb performance.

Mickey Rourke – Once a gorgeous man, now his face is puffed and botoxed beyond recognition. That said his speech for Best Actor in A Drama was gutsy and real if not a bit boozy.

Sasha Baron Cohen – Irreverent as usual but the only person to reference the recession managed to shock Hollywood with his comments saying "This recession is affecting everyone, even celebrities. Victoria Beckham hasn't eaten for three weeks. Charlie Sheen has been forced to have sex without paying for it. It's true. And even Madonna has had to get rid of one of her personal assistants. Our thoughts go out to you Guy Ritchie." Super funny but naturally Hollywood was offended – perhaps they didn’t laugh because they didn’t know there was a recession.

Ricky Gervais – Continues to have a laugh at the expense of Hollywood – awesome.

The show finally wrapped up after much back slapping and air kissing and with no suggestion that the world financial crisis had affected these people in any way, they partied into the wee hours of the morning secure that the ~~world~~ (Hollywood) continued to be a beautiful place.

Nicole Kidman Hates Her Acting As Much As We Do

2009-01-09T13:22:00.007+11:00

Nicole Kidman felt the puzzling need to let the world know she can’t stand seeing herself on screen and isn’t proud of her performance in latest movie “Australia." A rather strange & damaging comment to make whilst “Australia” is still running in movie theatres worldwide and one of which director, Baz Luhrmann, and the producers must be really delighted about.

Kidman was being interviewed by Australian radio station 2 Day FM, saying she “squirmed” in her seat during the Sydney premiere because she felt extremely uncomfortable watching herself on screen.

Kidman said "I can't look at this movie and be proud of what I've done. I sat there, and looked at Keith and went, 'Am I any good in this movie?' But I thought Brandon Walters and Hugh Jackman were wonderful. It's just impossible for me to connect to it emotionally at all."

Kidman was so embarrassed by her performance and her tight, highly animated face on screen, that as soon as the premiere was over she hailed a taxi to the airport and got her sorry ass and handbag, Keith out of the country toots sweet because her nervy disposition couldn’t take it if someone said the slightest negative thing about her.

The sad lady knew the critics were just waiting with pens poised for the movie to finish so they could write something damning about her frozen face and jittery acting skills on screen.

She said "We ran because I didn't want to read anything. I didn't want to know. I saw my sister and my family and we saw Keith's family and then we were straight on a plane." Kidman added she only attended the premiere to please the film's director Baz Luhrmann.

Oh the poor dear, she probably wanted to throw herself onto her lilac bed and cry softly into her silk pillows to wash the pain away.

The most interesting tidbit she uttered in the interview was that throughout her entire movie career she had only had only been able to force herself to sit through screenings for “Moulin Rouge” and “Australia.” She said: "I don't usually see my films, but because of Baz I had to see it. I saw 'Moulin Rouge'. I've really only seen that and this in my whole career. It gets worse as I get older."

It gets worse as I get older??

Isn’t she an Oscar winner? Isn’t she proud of any of her previous performances or does she, like us, think they are all shit. It’s not fair that she didn’t have to sit through her other movies and we did.

A word of advice Nicole, get over your special victims unit survivor act – you don’t know how to act it and nobody’s buying it. You are doing much more damage by opening your inside out lipped mouth and trying to play the injured party.

Alternatively, you could stop acting - as you say yourself, it will only get worse as you get older.

See SMH for full story.

Brad Pitt – Bringing Respect Back to Affairs

2009-01-08T14:09:00.003+11:00

While other human beings carry out their clandestine affairs with deceit, lust and guilt, Brad Pitt is the only person in the world that can hold his head up high; proud of the decent and dignified way he handled his affair with Angelina Jolie whilst being married to Jennifer Aniston.

Pitt was mouthing off in yet another interview for W magazine where he managed to twist reality and come across as some sort of saint just in time for the Oscar nomination list to be announced. Pitt is on the cover of the magazine looking a bit Button-ey - all wrinkly, grainy and real, possibly implying the guy is true and speaks no bullshit.

The love triangle concerning Pitt, Jolie & Aniston is resurrected yet again to squeeze the last bit of press juice out of. All three have had a go now so hopefully this one is going to bed soon?

When asked about whether he became involved with Jolie during filming of “Mr & Mrs Smith,” whilst still being married to Aniston, Pitt clarifies "What people don't understand is that we filmed ['Mr. & Mrs. Smith] for a year. We were still filming after Jen and I split up. Even then it doesn't mean that there was some kind of dastardly affair. There wasn't. I'm very proud of the way that it was handled. It was respectful."

Geez must be the only human on the planet that can put the words “affair” together with words like “proud” and “respectful.”

Clearly Pitt is in denial and has no place to go but to justify his actions in the saga otherwise how could he live with himself or more to the point how could we live with our image of Brad, the Golden Boy unless he made it all seem OK.

Let’s see if this latest spin helps to garner him an Oscar nomination because frankly it's not working on the general public.

Your move Aniston.

John Mayer & Pete Wentz Stroke Each Others Egos

2009-01-06T15:55:00.006+11:00

Nauseating isn’t it? Not sure whose ego is bigger, but if size does matter then these two douches have egos ten times larger than their pea brains and any other working equipment they might own.

John Mayer seems more interested in sucking up to bestie, Pete Wentz, bass player from Fall Out Boy and husband of airhead Ashlee Simpson, than talking it up about latest squeeze Jennifer Aniston, even though she has really scraped the bottom of the compliment barrel to come up with some bullshit praise for his sad ass.

The story goes that as Wentz and band were being interviewed for the upcoming February issue of Blender magazine at The Beverly Hills Hotel, who should rock up right on cue but none other than boyfriend, John Mayer. Clearly, feeling media interest on him waning, Mayer felt it necessary to cut in on Wentz’ press time and thereby keep his own hype chugging along.

When asked about Wentz, Mayer’s perplexing response was,

“Pete has this fabulous meta-awareness.” “Some people mistake it for narcissism, but it’s really just his way of playing with the idea of ‘Pete Wentz.’ His genius is he’s always one step ahead.” Mayer also admires the way Wentz has navigated the perils of tabloid romance: “To have this beautiful relationship with someone who gets attacked so often, and to handle it with such grace and respect—I just find that really impressive.”

Firstly, can somebody explain what meta awareness is?

Secondly, why does John Mayer elevate Pete Wentz, (who in the same Blender interview says about Ashlee Simpson “I hunted her down and shot the dart in her,”) to the heights of being a genius?

Answer – because John Mayer who is in a parallel situation to Wentz with his own famous girlfriend Aniston, thinks he is a genius too and is actually referring to himself via the smoke screen of talking about Wentz. He couldn’t care less about Pete, I mean why would you? Mayer just wants the world to know that he is totally clever and shit hot and can come up with inspired words like “meta-awareness” that everyone is going to start using because it’s just so damn awesome.

I think in this instance, meta egomaniac is probably more suitable and even more awesome.

Click here to read story on Blender.

Jeremy Piven Recovers from Illness With Help From The Ladies

2009-01-02T00:32:00.003+11:00

“Entourage” actor, Jeremy Piven appears to have recovered from his “bout” of mercury poisoning with the aid of a new lady friend.

Jeremy met the woman of his dreams at Britney Spears’ 27th birthday bash last December to which all the finest grade ladies in Hollywood attended. Ashley Chontos, a 23 year old ex-model and waitress or at least that’s what her business card says, is the new hottie in Piven’s life for the next five minutes.

Although Piven was actually gunning for another girl he met at the party, his relentless pursuit scared the girl shitless and she bailed leaving dejected Jeremy with no other choice than to follow up with sloppy seconds in the form of Ashley and is now so crazy in love that he has decided to invite Ashley to the Golden Globes this year instead of his mum as he has for the past four years, so he doesn’t come over all gay mummy’s boy yet again.

Piven is certain that Ashley is the one, although before leaving Britney’s party, he had also sent a text shout out to all the women he had met that night, inviting them to a free for all first dibs sexy time session with him back at his hotel room. His text read "Come to my room - whoever responds first gets me for the night."

Wow, that’s one tempting invite; unfortunately nobody came forward, so Piven followed up on the Chontos lead.

Piven is now currently in Bangkok allegedly undergoing treatment for his mercury poisoning or so rumour has it whilst the love of his life stayed in Miami prepping for her upcoming appearance at the Globes and her one chance to make it big as a Hollywood star. They are keeping their love alive via tender text messages.

Hopefully they will find a cure for Jeremy so he can return to his beautiful lady and continue his sushi worship.

Paris Hilton Saves Australian Economy With Mega Shopping Spree

2008-12-30T18:09:00.004+11:00

Hoorah for Paris!

The heiress and lovable airhead has singlehandedly rescued Australia from an economic crisis after spending up big on a shopping spree in Melbourne yesterday.

Financial experts are placing high hopes on Ms Hilton, contemplating just how much the socialite will spend in her remaining days in the country and speculating on the financial return her visit could net.

Paris jetted into Melbourne yesterday morning with her sister Nicky and new bestie Brittany Flickinger for some much needed rest, recuperation, recovery and retail damage.

In addition, Hilton will be making an appearance at the Bongo Virus New Years Eve party in Sydney of which she will reportedly be paid the handsome amount of $100,000. Chicken feed really – Paris probably uses that on her weekly French Manicure bill.

Paris & posse rested briefly at the Como Hotel, pausing for a quick cosmopolitan and a touch up before attacking the posh strip of South Yarra shops with gusto.

Store owners closed their shops to accommodate Ms Hilton & her entourage’s wishes. All the while the media throng and onlookers pasted their faces to the shop windows looking longingly in on the exhibits in the zoo and hoping for a bone to be thrown their way. But the the stick figure was oblivious to their stares and shopped with abandon leaving no stone unturned and store displays in dissaray.

A forty minute shopping bender cost Hilton a cool $5,000 for 30 dresses and put a smile on retailers’ faces. They hadn’t seen that kind of spending since the glory days of the 80’s.

Whilst most of the public have been prudently counting their pennies and cutting back on gifts during the Christmas season, perhaps opting for the packet of ham slices over the leg of ham this year, Paris showed all that the Hilton fortune was rock solid.

Clearly the recent robbery at the Hilton residence in LA only a week or so ago where approximately $2million worth of jewellery was stolen didn’t cause Ms Hilton any concern about the lessening of her fortune and the sadness of that loss propelled her to continue with her retail therapy as a means of healing the pain.

Hilton flies into Sydney today to prepare for her attendance at the Bongo Virus NYE party as well as to allow time to choose which of the thirty dresses gets the opportunity to be worn to the event.

Slumdog Millionaire - Truly Divine Providence

2008-12-27T22:24:00.010+11:00

cocobytes Review
Danny Boyle’s latest movie, “Slumdog Millionaire” is essentially a film about karma.

A spiritual and uplifting story of outrageous colour, devastating poverty and heartfelt performances set against the frenzied, multifaceted & sadistic backdrop of modern day Mumbai, India.

With Slumdog, Boyle has changed direction yet again from previous films such as “Trainspotting,” “The Beach,” and “Sunshine”.

An outstanding Dev Patel as Jamal Malik is a poor street kid (slumdog) who somehow through divine intervention appears as a contestant on the Indian version of game show “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire.” Jamal manages to correctly answer every question thrown at him by the show’s host, (brilliantly played by Anil Kapoor), through his own life experiences until he comes to the final 20 million rupee question. How could a penniless street kid possibly know all the answers?

The show producers are very suspicious and Jamal is dragged away for a torturous questioning session led by police inspector, Bollywood star, Irfan Khan. During the interrogation, we begin to see the pieces of Jamal’s life story and how each of the questions he answers in the show are not studied from a book but are linked to the many traumatic events that have taken place during his deprived life.

His story is of the three musketeers, Jamal, his brother Salim played by Madhur Mittal and Latika, the beautiful Freida Pinto, a girl he meets along his travels and falls in love with. We follow the many harrowing challenges that they face together during their young lives. The story alternates from Jamal’s appearance on the show to flashbacks of his upbringing and watch as the small group grow up and are faced with these confrontations to enable survival.

Visually, “Slumdog Millionaire” is dazzling. The screen is awash with the fluorescent hues of saris, buildings, landscapes and the people. We move rapidly through narrow slums, palaces, skyscrapers, railroad tracks, hi-tech call-centres and the pungent melange that make up present day Mumbai but are always aware of the intense poverty and terrifying brutality that is rampant.

The tight editing and kick ass soundtrack are skillfully executed with pumping drum & bass and Bollywood strings that accentuate the chaos that is Mumbai. But in the end, it’s the heartfelt performances by this mostly unknown cast that will suck you in.

“Slumdog Millionaire” is a movie that makes you aware that sometimes in life divine providence does truly step in to help the underdog.

See it now.

Mercury Revs Its Poisonous Head Into Jeremy Piven

2008-12-26T23:35:00.002+11:00

Entourage star Jeremy Piven suffers from mercury poisoning which is apparently the reason why he abruptly departed the Broadway play “Speed-the-Plow” that he had been appearing in since opening on October 24 at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre in Manhattan.

Piven’s doctor said the man had been eating sushi twice a day for years, which accounted not only for his plump, dewy skin but was also the reason as to why the mercury levels in his body are six times higher than the average human being.

Dr Carlon Colker of the Peak Wellness Center told the New York Post, "He's a voracious sushi eater. I tested him, and he's got a shocking level of almost six times the upper limit of what's allowable."

Mercury poisoning has left the star suffering from acute exhaustion, causing him to make his hasty exit from the show, even though he has consistently and reliably in the past (and no doubt in the future) managed to summon all the energy in the world to party on till the break of dawn with neither an attack of fatigue nor a sushi roll sighted.

Unsurprisingly, many are finding Piven’s mercury poisoning story fishy to say the least, especially after details of backstage clashes and plenty of tomfoolery being reported during production. A number of medical experts interviewed by US media have also spoken of their suspicions on his poisoning claims.

The walk out has left investors in the Broadway show and fellow actors seriously pissed with Piven due to a drop in ticket sales of around $160,000 a week since his departure as well as many unhappy fans who had bought tickets specifically to see Piven in action.

David Mamet, the show's writer was indifferent to Piven's suspected mercury poisoning telling Daily Variety, "So my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer."

Hilarious.

Oh well let’s face it, doing a show every night was an absolute bore for Piven when there’s all those parties to attend.

Hey Jeremy, there’s over a two hundred different types of sushi out there, maybe you should check them all out. Enjoy

Amy Says Goodbye Detox, Hello Caribbean

2008-12-24T10:52:00.003+11:00

Amy Winehouse managed to tiptoe out of her rehab clinic in Britian where she was on a month long detox program for a less painful method of drying out – a holiday in the Caribbean.

Winehouse was able to sneak out of the country with her besties in tow for some well deserved Amy time on St Lucia.

Not a bad idea Amy. Surely some sunshine will help to add a bit of colour to that pasty body of yours and assist in drying out all that caked up cokey shit in your veins.

Winehouse has been pictured taking the island of St Lucia by topless storm prancing around the pearly white sandy beaches and splashing in the water like some sort of skanky wasted seahorse.

Vacationers seemed baffled by the stick insect as she brazenly cavorted past them in all her topless glory. They tried their best to ignore her and not let her ruin what was left of their holiday.

Amy also appeared topless on her hotel balcony getting jiggy with it and shaking her bony ass without a care in the world as to who was privy to her burlesque freakshow. Her hotel room, where she was staying, was in the more sedate part of the hotel where all the oldies were and their peaceful serenity was suddenly broken by the spectacle of the creature swaying around in a daze and singing incoherently to her screechingly loud music.

Winehouse was probably trying to score some decent shit whilst there and maybe by her little dance routine, she found the goods.

Ok it’s not a pretty sight to behold but methinks a hit of pure Vitamin D and a fruit punch minus the rum is going to do the insect a whole lotta good – if she can just stay off the drugs.

I Can Still See You Jennifer

2008-12-22T11:35:00.004+11:00

In case you didn’t know, that's Jennifer Aniston under that hoodie and striped scarf coming out of John Mayer’s NY apartment, Friday night. Yeah sorry Jen, had to blow your cover and give it away to the world.

Perhaps if you tried to look more inconspicuous you would have gone a bit more unnoticed instead of coming out all skanky ho tracksuit girl.

We know you don’t want to look like you was gettin jiggy with Mayer and then leaving to go back to your own apartment, but we are all adults here so just get over yourself and figure out which role to play.

Jen clearly must have been reading my blog, because the very next day she re-materialised out of Mayer’s flat in the morning, after a second night of horizontal mambo, but this time she seemed happy to reveal herself to the waiting paparazzi, not cowering under her hoodie, with just her striped scarf as a clue to her identity. She even went so far as to offer a small smile for the cameras as if to say, yes it’s me, yes I’ve been having sexy time with Mayer, yes I have lustrous blonde hair and a tight bod.

Jen’s ramping up all stops to ensure “Marley & Me” is a success when it opens on Christmas Day, so only maximum press overkill will do. And I think she’s figured just how to do that. Walk out of you’re toy boy’s building with head high. Pimp your ass and flaunt your slutiness. You go girl.

To see the full details of Jen's overkill, click here.

Aniston & Mayer Go For The Kill, The Press Overkill

2008-12-22T10:07:00.001+11:00

Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer being spotted in New York is just so common now, it’s practically an hourly occurrence, especially in the final days leading up to Christmas when Aniston’s movie “Marley & Me” opens.

It’s vital to be spotted at frequent intervals around town and if there is a toy boy with you that can help you sell even more media space, then all the better. Images can then be taken of the couple and splashed worldwide but the essential point here is to be front and center in people’s minds before the movie starts.

Aniston needs this to be a box office hit if she wants to keep working in movie land. Her other attempts have generally been shit, so all bets have been placed on Marley’s furry shoulders. Aniston’s asking a lot with a story about a puppy but hey it’s Christmas, you just never know.

To aid this effort, Aniston & Mayer were seen two nights in a row this week, walking, just walking, to where exactly nobody knew or cared. They didn’t want to use their hire car to take them the five steps required to get from one venue to the next as has previously been the norm because they needed the paparazzi to take a shot or at least fifty so people don’t forget who they are in time for Aniston’s movie release.

They smiled, giggled and looked adoringly into each other’s eyes. Well Aniston looked into Mayer’s eyes and Mayer just looked strange. The whole thing seemed staged as previously they have gone out of their way to avoid being photographed together.

As it was Aniston who was due to gain from the public display of affection, Mayer not wanting to be overshadowed, came up with this pearl to help his girly’s movie.

"I'm happy to report the movie is completely in focus."
"I want everyone to know that," he told the gathered paps.

He then joked that he and Aniston were walking all the way to Harlem. "90 more blocks, guys!" he teased photographers. "90 more blocks!"

Oh, he’s an absolute scream that one.

The paps chuckled at the merriment being shared amongst them and all was well again that snowy night in New York.

Nicole Kidman Is Crying Into Her Pillow

2008-12-21T11:00:00.003+11:00

Nicole Kidman’s PR machine has let it be known covertly, via the various media channels, that Kidman is extremely wounded by all the criticism that has been thrown at her for her work in recent movie “Australia.”

She would like to know why all the mud that has been slung about hasn’t been aimed at anyone else in the movie. Surely there were others that were really bad too? Why didn’t they also get their asses caned?

Due to this, Kidman has declared to anyone within earshot that she won’t be returning home to Sydney for Christmas with daughter, Sunday Rose, but will remain in privacy at her Nashville home. Yeah, so what’s the problem?

I thought she announced recently that she absolutely adored Nashville and hoped Sunday Rose would acquire a southern accent? OK, Nicole, so start working on that project now.

Did Nicole ever actually hang out in Australia? I only recall her arriving in Australia when she was either a) filming a movie or b) working the red carpet, so not sure what she means by her statement.

Additionally, why is she directing her hurt feelings towards Australia? If memory serves, the more complimentary of reviews of her performance in the movie were from Australian film reviewers, possibly her friends of course, but encouraging none the less. In fact, most of the more damaging assessments have been dished out by both European and US critics, so how was Australia solely responsible?

Alright, so the woman’s hurting inside, and to be fair, I can understand. This unexpected dislike for La Kidman appears to have come with great ferocity and all of a sudden. But in reality, it has been building in the background for a number of years.

In moments like this, Nicole reverts to playing the victim but does she ever think that perhaps, just perhaps, she is somehow responsible? Maybe if she did a little soul searching and worked her way through the all the lies she has previously told, she might find the cause for this monumental backlash that has been directed at her.

She should ask herself questions like; does she somehow cause these bad feelings amongst people? Did she ever know how to act in the first place? Does she ever remember using Botox on her face that she has been using now for many years? C’mon Nicole, be truthful, at least to yourself.

Then again, in the words of Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men,”

“Maybe you can’t handle the truth.”

See Sydney Morning Herald for full story

Madonna’s Publicist Gets Her Ass Kicked

2008-12-19T15:21:00.001+11:00

Looks like Madonna’s sycophant PR sidekick, Liz Rosenberg, is in some deep shit with the boss lady.

It appears she spoke her mouth off too early on Monday disclosing the sums of Madonna & Guy Ritchie’s divorce settlement to all and sundry via the Associated Press.

By Wednesday, Madonna and Guy Ritchie had issued a jointly statement saying, "A misleading and inaccurate statement, specifically in relation to the sums of money involved, was wrongly issued to AP this week.

"The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children."

Yeah that’s right, it was all the PR chick’s fault and had nothing to do with either Madonna or Guy Ritchie.

Rosenberg was, of course, just following orders instructed by Madonna, who told her to release the statement so the world knew that she, Madonna, wasn’t a skanky miser who hoards all her money but was prepared to throw some small change Ritchie’s way and additionally thwart press reports that Ritchie’s camp had planted stating that he wasn’t interested in her money at all.

But Ritchie was pissed that Madonna didn’t abide to their agreement and had let the world know the exact figures involved. He was determined to look like the victim in the story as had been his angle all along. Madonna was forced to retract the statement this week but only after the world absorbed just exactly how much money she was going to pay him. Probably her plan all along?

Ritchie definitely was interested in Madonna’s money and Madonna definitely didn’t want to share her pennies not to mention art collection with Ritchie so by releasing a subsequent statement, they could both cover their asses.

Ahh....It’s so nice to see an ex-couple uniting in the end.

We get to finally see what the pair had in common in the first place – money.

Now that’s true love.

Nicole Kidman, No Longer Baz’s Girl

2008-12-18T12:49:00.000+11:00

Well it looks like the love affair is over.

Baz Luhrmann took the bizarre step of informing the world that he no longer would be able to work with former muse, Nicole Kidman.

Was someone holding a gun to his head?

Who said he had to work with the same actor again and since when is it necessary for a director to explain to the world that he no longer wished to work with the same actor on any upcoming projects? Or in fact explain the mechanics of what he plans to do in the future at all?

You just don’t work with them.

Or is the reason deeper than that?

It would appear that Baz wants to distance himself from Ms Box Office Poison, as most of his film, “Australia’s” criticism seems to be directed squarely at her. Kidman seems to be assisting in bringing about its downfall. Things cannot be good over at the Luhrmann base if he feels the need to publicly denounce her.

His reasons for not working with her in the future seem rather ridiculous.

"So many life-transforming things happen when we work together,” Luhrmann said.
"On Moulin Rouge she was breaking up with Tom Cruise and my father died on the first day of filming," Luhrmann told Britain's Daily Telegraph newspaper.

"Then six weeks before we finished filming “Australia,” we were doing a scene where her character has to say she can't have children and she goes, Bazzy, Bazzy, I've got to see you, and we sit down under a tree and she tells me she's pregnant and she burst into tears and I did, too, because I knew that was what she wanted more than anything else.”

"We both said we can't make another movie together because there are only so many life-transforming events we can go through."

OK so we can take from that that she is a drama queen and causes issues on set but it seems like a ludicrous reason none the less. It’s not like she turned up to film high on drugs or alcohol.

Luhrmann admits that 20th Century Fox, were having problems marketing it to audiences because of its mix of slapstick comedy and intense drama.

"Fox are having trouble selling it," he said. "They're having trouble making a trailer that can sell tickets. I'm scared and fearful of this. Will everyone get it? No. But I've been amazed by the variety of audiences who are intensely emotional in reacting to it."

Clearly his fear is causing him to detach himself from Kidman so he himself can pick up the pieces of his career. Who can blame him?

Nicole can’t be happy about this latest public denouncement by the director no less, after weeks of negative critique being thrown at her since the launch of “Australia.”

There was only one way for her to play it – restate her stand on lessening any upcoming acting work so she can spend more time with Sunday Roast & The Fringe.

Typically, arrogantly, she said "I have to say I'm not that interested in making films any more," she told the newspaper. "I know I'm not meant to say that, but that's where it is for me now.”

"I'm 41 years old and very happy being in Tennessee with my baby and with my husband.”
"I obviously have creative blood in me and it needs to come out in some way but I just don't have that burning desire anymore. I'm not saying I'm never going to work again, but I'm at peace with whatever happens, which is a nice place to be at this stage of my life."

As nobody wants to touch Nicole with a yardstick, I am sure her wishes will be granted.

Kate Winslet – One Hot Mamma on the Red Carpet

2008-12-17T15:42:00.004+11:00

All of Hollywood are coming out en masse of late to promote their upcoming movies and ensure they are seen around town enough to elicit any possible inclusion in the Oscar nomination list.

Monday night was no exception bringing out the likes of Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio to the Mann Village theatre at Westwood, California to premiere their movie “Revolutionary Road.”

We have to say, Kate is looking pretty damn fine of late. It’s an amazing renovation – coming over all blonde bombshell. Her stylist has also done a spectacular job with her dress, even advising how to stand in every shot. If Kate hasn’t had any work done – it’s astounding.

Kate has been one of the key advocates for growing old gracefully, even going out on a limb to discredit magazines that have photoshoped her looks for previous cover shots, but really there’s no place for that outdated attitude in Hollywood.

Anyone, actually let’s face it, everyone, has had work done, even though they go out on a limb to deny it and proclaim to have the same eyes, lips, noses and chins that god gave them when they arrived into this world.

They all do it. If you go to Hollywood, not one person is over the age of forty, facially speaking.

Leo is also looking hot and methinks by the time he is fifty and discarded his last bit of babyface, he’s going to be on fire.

Kylie Minogue Starts New Fashion Trend – Bed Sheets

2008-12-16T22:32:00.004+11:00

I don’t know, maybe Kylie Minogue was sick of compressing her body into those full on looking corsets and bizarro costumes she wears every night for her KylieX2008 Tour, but she seems to have gone a different way on a lunch outing this week in Sydney.

Letting it all hang out, Kylie was spotted at Icebergs in Bondi, enjoying lunch whilst wearing a frumpy looking bedsheet-dress.

Maybe she just wanted to consume copious amounts of food or perhaps she was just fed up with dressing in tight sexy numbers and needed a chance to breathe. Hard to say.

I can hardly blame her, it’s that time of year to eat, drink and be merry so sheet dressing is really quite essential.

Kylie’s been getting great reviews for her tour which she has brought to Australia, kicking off in Sydney on Monday night. The show will conclude in Australia giving Kylie the opportunity to spend some quality time re-grouping with her family over the silly season and possibly looking into wearing more sheets.

Nicole Kidman Does A Mean Didgeridoo

2008-12-16T21:30:00.002+11:00

Things are getting pretty damn desperate over at Camp Kidman. Taking any and every last minute pot shot to promote her film “Australia,” Nicole Kidman turned up with Hugh Jackman on German TV show Wetten, dass . . ? and was easily coaxed into playing the didgeridoo, although her frail playing left a lot to be desired.

Hugh Jackman, cajoled along by the merriment, tried posing on one leg as Aboriginal actor David Gulpilil did in the movie, whilst trying to dance to Kidman’s didgeridoo playing. Not an easy task but necessary to salvage a sinking ship named “Australia.”

It appears that Kidman’s inadvertent actions have infuriated Aboriginal groups and caused an uproar amongst tribal elders. Aboriginal folklore deems that women shouldn’t touch a didgeridoo let alone play one as it could result in them becoming infertile. Oh the sheer irony, not even touching that one.

This latest fracas has caused outrage in Australia mainly due to the fact that Kidman seems to have learnt nothing about Aboriginal customs during filming of “Australia” which is odd particularly as there were many Aborigines working within cast and crew as well as the film’s themes covering some Aboriginal issues.

Kidman made a previous gaffe at the New York premiere of “Australia,” when a reporter asked her which tourist attractions she would suggest to travellers whilst visiting Australia, to which she replied “Sorry, my head’s spinning.” Nice. See post here.

This latest round of bad publicity seems to be a recurring theme of late with Kidman not being able to so much as dip her toe into the media stratosphere without criticism being hurled her way.

Guy Ritchie - No Longer A Penny Pinchin’ Geezer

2008-12-16T20:25:00.004+11:00

The financial details of Madonna’s divorce settlement with ex husband Guy Ritchie has now been finalised and broadcast to the world which is apparently what people do these days.

Claims that Guy wasn’t after a penny of Madonna’s money, appear to be false.

Madonna, pissed that Ritchie was coming out the saint in the saga when he previously announced to all and sundry that the missus was only prepared to hand out her spare change, had her publicist, Liz Rozenberg, release a statement to the Associated Press to clear her name and ensure that her loyal subjects were in no doubt as to just who was helping who in the story.

Looks like Madonna will be parting with somewhere in the region of $76 million to $92 million to Ritchie. This amount includes the value of the couple’s country estate in Wiltshire as well as The Punchbowl, the pub in Mayfair both of which Ritchie wanted and will now be able to hang onto.

Combined estimated earnings of the couple sits at approximately $525 million, of which the vast majority belongs to Madonna and Ritchie only helping to top up the communal piggy bank with his measly $35 million.

Rosenberg went on to say “I’d assume it’s one of the largest payouts ever in a divorce settlement.”

Let’s just be clear on that point.

Whilst the financial details of the settlement have been sorted out, the custodial arrangements for their children are still being finalised. As it’s Madonna, this could take another six months to complete so she gets her way and presumably another press release announcement just so we are clear that she is by no means a bad mother.

Either way, looks like Guy is going to be staging one hell of a Xmas party this year.

Act Your Age George, Not Your Shoe Size

2008-12-15T22:05:00.005+11:00

I’ll say one thing for George Bush, he might be dim, but he sure is quick. Who would have thought?

On a farewell tour to Iraq, Bush was answering questions at an impromptu press conference with the Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki in Baghdad, when he narrowly missed not one but two shoes being hurled at him by a disgruntled Iraqi reporter who called Bush a “dog."

Like Quick Shaw McDraw, Bush ducked, dived and dodged those pesky Iraqis and won the good fight.

The funniest part was afterwards, you could see that the debacle had actually woken George out of his usual dumbass stupor. He had a smirk on his face as if to say you’re going to have to do lot better than that boys. C’mon hit me. Give me your best shot.

He even cracked a sort of semi-joke,

“I’m OK. “It doesn’t bother me. So what if he threw a shoe at me. All I can report is it is a size 10."

Excellent reporting George. Somebody from secret service get those shoes analysed immediately.

Nobody else seemed amused. In fact, in Arab culture to throw your shoes at someone is the ultimate sign of utter disrespect which pretty much sums it all up.

Interesting to note is the speed as to how quickly anyone else seems to react. Check out the footage below.

Jennifer, John, Owen, Marley & Me

2008-12-14T22:35:00.003+11:00

So this is what all that press was leading up to, you know the Oprah interview, Vogue article, GQ piece etc, that was all for this? Yeah that’s right it’s the premiere of Jennifer Aniston’s movie “Marley & Me,” about a puppy or something.

The way Aniston was everywhere on the press circuit I thought she was launching a new space station. No, no, it’s just a movie about a dog. OK, it is a cute puppy dog but was it necessary for Aniston to do the blanket publicity coverage thing for that?

But then again I guess that’s the measure a girl has to take these days when she has a movie launching the same week as her ex husband. Yes that’s right, the same ex husband by the name of Brad Pitt that said girl was once married to.

And there was every chance that this certain Brad Pitt would bring his partner, a certain Angelina Jolie to his premiere night scheduled on the same week to make it a media spectacle.

He did bring her and she did make it a media spectacle.

Hence the need to keep up with these people if not upstage them entirely.

Aniston came quite close to that at the “Marley & Me Premiere.” She was positively glowing with masses of blonde hair, golden Californian tan and teeny weeny black dress.

And then there was pale faced John Mayer, her new boyfriend. Mayer did his best to keep up with the scrutiny and was clearly enamoured by the all the press attention but he lets the side down. Besides from the fact that they never posed together for the money shot - but that’s only a matter of time.

Keep trying Jen, The Brange is within reach.

Tom is Slimmer, Tighter, Firmer Than Ever Before

2008-12-13T14:32:00.005+11:00

Geez, what a difference a few months make.

As recently as June, Tom Cruise was spotted out and about shakin’ those meaty jowls and stacked pounds on that beef cakey frame of his. However, in just a short time, we are witness to a leaner as well as a tighter Tom too and no I don’t just mean his ass. His face is tauter than not only his ex wife, Nicole Kidman’s but even the face he had in “Risky Business.”

Just what the hell is going on? I don’t recognise him.

His Cheshire grin looks more sleazy than cheesy.

Clearly there had been a comprehensive rejuvenation program scheduled into Tom’s diary from June of this year to allow ample time for the modifications to be finalised before promotion of “Valkyrie” his latest movie, started in early December.

The six month course would have included some fat draining, stomach stapling, face tightening, then onto Rodeo Drive for a spot of gay wardrobe shopping and Voila – Hello Gorgeous!

Tom’s no longer the tough jock guy; he’s the new age sensitive guy.

Goodbye “Top Gun.” Hello “Cocktail” and pass that man bag whilst you’re at it.

Jennifer Aniston Goes to Nude School to Promote Movie

2008-12-12T18:43:00.009+11:00

I really hope this is the last of Jennifer Aniston’s self promotion run of late, it’s getting tiring.

Each week there is a new yet vaguely similar angled story and this week is no exception. We are privy to Aniston’s naked body posing with just a tie around her neck on the cover of the next issue of GQ in a final burst of press overkill.

OK, granted its one hell of a body but where does she go from here? She has exposed herself both vocally and now bodily, so what’s the next place she can take us to. Perhaps try shutting your mouth girl, I hear you cry. Couldn’t agree more.

In the interview she rehashes that old chestnut about Angelina Jolie’s admission of her & Brad’s affair during the making of "Mr & Mrs Smith" saying,

“Well, you know, that was definitely a confirmation for me of something that wasn’t quite confirmed at the time.” “Considering the source, nothing surprises me.”

Byting words indeed but Aniston had just said at the beginning of this week in an interview with USA Today to promote her upcoming movie “Marley & Me,” that she didn’t understand the public’s preoccupation with her private life.

"I think it's ridiculous. There's just this insatiable need. I also haven't had a movie in a long time, so hopefully this is going to create something else to talk about and realize that I have a job, and I'm an actress."

And again,

"I am honestly getting sick of it, and I feel like telling people, "You know what? It's none of your (expletive) business."

Note to Jen (in big letters) – so stop talking about yourself and fanning the flames – perhaps try shutting the (expletive) up.

To read rest of USA Today interview, click here

Nicole Kidman Freezes her Assets Off At UK Premiere of Australia

2008-12-11T13:58:00.008+11:00

Nicole Kidman & Hugh Jackman continued grinding their worldwide roadshow of “Australia” taking it to the streets and bringing it to the beloved peoples. However the love appears to be tanking fast.

Nicole & Hugh braved the red carpet on a wintery Wednesday night at the Odeon Leicester Square in London. Hugh looking effortlessly dashing continued to uphold his “Sexiest Man Alive” title and Nicole wearing a gleaming white dress which was prim in look but thin in feel clearly revealed her g string and nipples to the gathered onlookers.

Except for her visible assets on show at the premiere, Nicole’s more adventurous and risky dress sense from days gone by seems to have abandoned her altogether. She appears to be favouring a more mature and sensible style of dress these days which only makes her appear well... granny like.

So the face and lip work hasn’t really helped her in the fight to preserve her youthful appearance if she continues to dress like an old lady.

Nicole kept her sound bytes upbeat in the face of the critics’ generally low opinions of the movie.

“I hope people like it and it makes them fall in love with my country," she said. "I hope they realise it's funny and romantic and it's a popcorn movie."

Nicole, we tried desperately to fall in love with the movie as all the posters commanded us to but unfortunately couldn’t get past your face.

Angelina's Curious Case of Amusement at the Button Premiere

2008-12-10T22:16:00.005+11:00

Angelina Jolie decided to change strategy at The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’s Los Angeles premiere on Monday night.

Ambling down the red carpet with partner and “Button” star, Brad Pitt, something seemed terribly funny and I don’t think it was the movie. She laughed at nobody in particular, played hide & seek with other attendees, tried to affectionately ingratiate herself with Brad’s parents and generally looked over the moon about life.

Brad didn’t seem nearly as happy and kept that sexy smouldering look on his face at all times allowing a small smile to creep out every now and then.

This was a big change for Angelina, usually she sexes it up in her moody big lipped way but this was a new side we were witnessing. Could she have been trying hard to promote Brad and her chances at Oscar glory? Or was she just trying to show Brad’s parents she can be all warm and fuzzy?

Not sure we are buying it.

She had this to say about Brad’s performance in the movie:

"I'm very, very proud. Mainly, I have seen every day he went to work just how hard he worked, how hard the director worked, and Cate -- and just how dedicated they were. It's been a big process; it's a very trying film. So, I am just so happy that it came out so beautifully and their work is going to be recognized. . . I cried, it's so beautiful. It's so touching. It's lovely; it's just a wonderful picture."

Ok we get it. It’s a good movie.

The premiere was also attended by a bevy of celebrities including Button’s other star Cate Blanchett wearing some bizarre glittery bell outfit as well as Tilda Swinton, a hot looking Jennifer Lopez, Eva Longoria and Gary Oldman.

Curious to see how “Button” performs award wise.

Jennifer Takes Gushing To A New Level Over John Mayer

2008-12-10T11:10:00.007+11:00

Jennifer Aniston who has been on the press merry go round promoting her new movie “Marley & Me” has broken her own rule of not discussing her relationships by hurling superlatives to UK Daily Mirror on how “extraordinary” John Mayer is.

Clearly giddy with new love for the 31 year old musician, Aniston gushed embarrassingly over him, raising him to new heights of brilliance and to the level of a demi-god.

"He's a rare one. He is extraordinary and it is wonderful to watch him. The way his brain works and the way he thinks thoughts... it's beautiful," she said.

"It's an amazing thing to watch a musician think. I don't know many musicians but when his guitar is on him it's just like a channel. It's something I've never ever seen before," she added.

Wow deep shit.

The fact the guy can think thoughts is pretty amazing.
I just have thoughts but to actually think them, well....genius, right there.

Jen & John initially got together in April of this year with Jen moving rapidly to obsession within a short time following him like a puppy to Europe whilst he was touring and doing the groupie thing backstage and on the tour bus.

They then broke up in August with Mayer charmingly announcing to the press he had dumped her sorry ass, only to get it back on again in October and by November all was clearly forgiven by Aniston and she was back to where she was originally – falling at Mayer’s feet.

John Mayer’s extraordinary ego must be the size of a house right now.

Let’s hope for her sake that his ego is worth it.

To see the full interview click here

Madonna Needs Money After Forking Out Cash To Guy Ritchie

2008-12-09T18:57:00.006+11:00

Madonna is suing UK tabloid “Mail On Sunday” for £5million for publishing private photos from her 2000 wedding to Guy Ritchie.

A British court has ruled in favour of Madonna but is still deciding the final amount to be paid out to her.

Madonna & Guy Ritchie were married on December 22, 2000 at an extravagant but private ceremony at Skibo castle in the Scottish Highlands. The wedding was attended by stars such as close pals, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sting and Stella McCartney.

Security surrounded the event to ensure its secrecy and no pictures were ever publicly sighted until October 19 this year when Madonna & Guy Ritchie happened to announce their divorce. On the same day, The “Mail on Sunday” published a “world excusive” in a double page spread of images from their wedding.

The photos were taken by renowned photographer Jean Baptiste Mondino but allegedly leaked to the “Mail on Sunday” by one of her interior designers who secretly photographed the photos directly from a wedding album at her home.

Madonna is asking for £5 million and any damages received, Madonna isn’t actually going to keep for herself but plans to donate to her charitable foundation that she set up to help Aids orphans in Malawi, where her adopted son David Banda was born.

The “Mail On Sunday” however, feels Madonna’s asking price of £5 million is way too high considering they paid just $5000 for the shots.

The courts will decide shortly and no doubt Madonna will get what she wants.

Understandably in this case.

Guy Ritchie Won’t Be Homeless After All

2008-12-07T11:01:00.003+11:00

Well it looks like Guy Ritchie won’t be left destitute and on the streets now that Madonna & Guy have finalised the particulars of their speedy divorce just one month after announcing their split.

Avoiding the media circus it could have become, the couple have managed to come to an agreement with regards to the finer details so they can move on with their separate lives.

Although Ritchie insisted he didn’t want a penny from Madonna, he will get quite a bit more than that very soon and clearly Madonna wanted the world to know he wasn’t walking away without a cent as recent reports have been insisting.

Madonna won’t be breaking up her estimated £$300 million fortune anytime soon, however, she will have to part with £$32 million in total to Guy of which he will see a cash sum of £12 million.

Ritchie will acquire sole ownership of their estimated £20 million country estate in Wiltshire as well as getting to hang onto his beloved £3 million pub in Punchbowl, Mayfair.

However, in the deal, Madonna has kept their home in Marylebone, London. Ritchie wanted the London home but Madonna wasn’t prepared to give this up or split it in two and therefore had to dish out the £12 million cash payment to recompense him.

The additional monies will help Guy to purchase homes in New York and London to be closer to their sons. Rocco, 8, and adopted son David, 3, who will now have to split their time between New York with Madonna and London with Ritchie.

Lourdes, Madonna’s 12 year old daughter from her relationship with Carlos Leon, will live in New York with Madonna.

An official statement will be released by the couple shortly.

Nicole Kidman “Overbonds” with Sunday Rose

2008-12-05T22:20:00.000+11:00

By her own admission, Nicole Kidman has declared to the world (whilst her movie, Australia, was sinking fast) that she has "over bonded" with her daughter, Sunday Roast.

I’m finding it hard to comprehend Kidman’s definition of the word “over bonded”. What could she possibly mean by it?

She has constantly left her newborn child to attend premieres for her movie “Australia” around the world and started filming upcoming movie “Nine” in a ludicrously short time, just six weeks after she gave birth to Sunday Roast in early July, so really fail to understand exactly what she means by this term.

Apparently, again by her own declaration, her family are concerned by her obsessive behaviour.

"I'm totally devoted to her," she told UK newspaper The Independent.

"Mum says I'm over-bonded with her, but I don't care."

I wonder if she over bonded with her other two children, Isabella, 15 and Connor, 13, who she adopted with ex-husband Tom Cruise because during the course of her marriage to Cruise she was rarely ever seen photographed with them and now she rarely ever seems to mention them.

Here's Nicole bringing out Sunday Roast as her movie slides further downhill. I guess her "overbonding" with child doesnt extend itself to using a car seat or a seat belt for that matter because that wouldnt bring in the money shot, right?

Yes there is definitely some "over bonding" taking place, but it's not between Nicole Kidman and Sunday Roast, oh no, her over bonding is with the paparazzi.

Cate Blanchett – No Added Preservatives

2008-12-05T21:28:00.004+11:00

God it’s reassuring to see a celebrity who is real. Well as real as you can be when you’re standing on the very unreal Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Here’s Cate Blanchett, finally being honoured with her much overdue Hollywood Star looking chic and classy with her simply elegant forties style outfit of black striped smoking jacked teamed with crisp white pants and Louboutin pumps.

Cate’s style and classic looks are so beautiful and appropriate for someone of 39 years old. I’ve never seen someone try less to impress.

She is one of those rare finds in Hollywood who doesn’t over try, doesn’t pimp her celebrity, doesn’t play the famewhore game. She’s isn’t in the press every second giving bad sound bytes – Nicole Kidman take note. As it is she seems quite shy and a little embarrassed here as if the whole star ceremony is ridiculous, which ofcourse it is.

Cate is one of those consistently good actresses who delivers time after time and has been favoured by Oscar for a few years now. We are hoping that she gets another Oscar nomination for her role in The Curious Case of Benjamin.

Let’s hear it for one of the genuine ones – there’s still a few left.

Nicole Kidman Brings Australia And New Boobs to Spain

2008-12-04T18:03:00.003+11:00

Nicole Kidman continues with her road trip, taking “Australia” to Europe where she and everyone involved are hoping it will sell a few tickets.

At the premiere in Spain, we were privy to the spectacle of Nicole’s boobs, opting as she did, to wear a white bra under a black dress. Does this woman need to constantly court any and every sort of publicity to sell her film?

It’s interesting to note the evolution of Ms Kidman’s body over the last ten or so years. At the “Eyes Wide Shut” premiere in July 1999 for example, Nicole’s face and body were vastly different. To be brutally frank, she didn’t have breasts but was the owner of a rather boyish frame. She also didn't have the set of lips she has today.

Then again Tom Cruise looks quite different today to the way he looks in the image above. Actually he looks a lot younger today.

Nicole has been carefully shaping her face and body over the last decade and won’t stop til she gets to her final goal – Dolly Parton.

When All PR Options Are Exhausted, Bring Out The Baby

2008-12-03T11:10:00.014+11:00

Yeah that’s right, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Things aren’t looking too good for Nicole Kidman. Her movie “Australia” is not delivering in the States, she can’t remember which ~~lie~~ sound byte she used at the last press call, she’s getting a lot of negative press from everywhere including this one so now it’s time.

It’s time to get Sunday Rose out to do her job.

It may seem like an early career start for Sunday Beef Roast, but there’s an economic crisis going down and she needs to pull her weight and earn her salary.

Nicole has seen how brilliantly ex hubby Tom Cruise, has exploited Suri to keep him in the press and soften his cuckoo image and Suri has delivered in spades.

Sunday Rose could do that for Nicole.

But the question needs to be asked, why are they strolling with the kid in her arms when they have a perfectly good driver they could use? Come on, celebrities don’t stroll anywhere. Why isn’t the baby in a stroller, wouldnt that be easier for both parent and child?

It all points to a massive ruse. You decide.

Parting shot – Love the way Keith never gets to hold Sunday Rose. That honour goes strictly to Nicole. Sometimes he is seen tentatively touching a baby toe or a finger – but that’s all he’s allowed. It’s Nicole’s moment, deal with it.

Nicole Kidman: A Different Country, A Different Lie

2008-12-02T23:27:00.002+11:00

Oh it’s just impossible to keep up with this woman and her ever changing lies and modifications to her life stories.

Nicole Kidman is seen here at the Paris premiere hardselling “Australia” to the French with ever present hubby Keith at her side but now she has altered her story that she originally stated at the Sydney premiere of “Australia”.

In Sydney, Nicole gave the impression that she was pretty much wrapping up her career to focus on Sunday Beef Roast and The Fringe – however that was just a titillating sound byte to give the reporters some sort of angle to write about. Otherwise what did they have?

The public equally breathed a sigh of relief at the good news.

Bu now it appears Nicole needs a new angle to keep her name in the press so her career (which let’s face it she had no intention of giving up because then what would she have) is back on again. She announced the news at a hasty press conference in Paris for “Australia”. Hasty me thinks because she didn’t want to have to field any potential questions about her bad acting reviews in “Australia”.

Nicole also touched her stomach a lot and knocked heads again with Keith to:

a) Start fresh pregnancy rumours and
b) Show she is still intensely in love with Keith even though a head tap is all she can muster.

Joaquin Phoenix – Gangster, Freestyler, Rapper, Disaster

2008-12-02T21:55:00.003+11:00

Joaquin Phoenix wasted no time in launching his new career as a musician now that he has formally retired from acting. I didn’t know he was so ghetto, so badass, so down with it.

He appeared at the Funkmosphere in Culver City last week where he turned up decked out in some killa rap threads which were light on the bling but heavy on the tude and that boy worked that microphone till his voice was hoarse. His rhymes were killin and the beats were chillin or some shit.

Well actually, put it this way, as a rapper Joaquin Phoenix makes a good actor. It was just one really long monotone on the mic, his wordy rappinghood style was just annoying like some drunk on a karaoke machine that you just can’t get off.

Joaquin, what happened? Your ass used to be so sweet.

If this is your new chosen career you had better get down and dirty cause at the moment you just got shit coming.

Check out the excruciating video footage here. TMZ